Adversity

Adversity:

nounplural adversities for 2.
1.adverse fortune or fate; a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress:

A friend will show his or her true colors in timesof adversity.
You can only grow stronger in situations that provide you with adversity. Defined above as calamity or distress. I am taking a deep breath this morning and trying to learn from adversity.
What is affecting you so?
Well I will tell you. I still find myself working at Starbucks. 2 years as a shift supervisor and 3.5 as a partner. I am unsure if maybe I just go through bouts of wondering why I continue my employment at Starbucks. Most of the time when I am thinking of a job change (like this morning when I left work) I remind myself that I have pretty good insurance (even if I can’t afford to use it most of the time) and that I have a schedule that allows me to be home every afternoon and evening with my girls and my husband. These things are why I wake up every morning at 4am, trudge out of bed and find myself slinging coffee at 4:30a.
There is no small amount of responsibility that comes with the $1 an hour raise and the title “Shift Supervisor”. This morning was the definition of every part of my job and every part that I managed to botch up this week.
The first part was the opening a person short. So I got to do my job, then I got to do my other openers job. I am not mad at her, poor thing was ran off the road by some jerk who didn’t even stop to see if she was ok. She lost two tires and two rims and had to be picked up by her parents. I have no grief with her. It was rough though. You depend on your fellow partners to ensure you have an easy open. This is not always the case. So i took my short staffed open with a grain of salt. Grateful that my staff remained unhurt and I proceeded to try to get things done quickly. The day continued to be fail as our Sunday order wasn’t put in timely (not my fault) so they shipped us the auto order. Which is some wonky cruel Starbucks joke that doesn’t even come close to anything we actually order. EVER. So it becomes the day of hoping we have enough to get by.
Then we had a slow morning. Looked like the day might look up. Our customer count picked up speed and we found ourselves swamped. It is like being in a burning ship. All the customers look unhappy because you can’t move faster all the while you feel helpless to make them or your staff feel any better about being overwhelmed. When the next supervisor arrived, he didn’t check on the floor, he didn’t ask what needed done, he just started doing his own thing even though he wasn’t in charge. I don’t need that. I am the supervisor in charge. It seems this week that doesn’t matter. SO I was left to figure out my floor even thought I was supposed to leave at 10. When my tips person and the other supervisor remained unfinished with their tasks when it was time for me to send people and myself home, I stayed. I can’t leave my partners on the floor like that.
I won’t.
I have been left when it was just baristas, and no shift because they were late or some scheduling mishap. It is no fun, it is stressful and my staff doesn’t deserve that.
So I left 40 minutes late. I did the best I could to help.
The kicker to my day?
It was when I got scolded over the phone by my manager, who was not in the store today, about Sunday’s order (the one I didn’t do the the afore mentioned shift supervisor took from me last week), and then 10 minutes later scolded on a second phone call that I did not have time for but took anyway, to get told I should have noticed about the order black out for today. I am totally at fault for that. But I will accept only half the blame. As our manager did do her own ordering yesterday. Two of them. Meaning I am not the only one who missed the black out notice. So we didn’t double our order, so now we will be short on Thanksgiving.
So as I sit here venting, I know you think I am a giant complainer. Just wait. I am getting to the end of this.
First thing:
I am glad I have a job. Once that gives me the chance to spend time with my family. Not everyone has that. It may not be very grace giving right now, but not all days are bad. Not all days are frustrating.
Second thing:
I do love (for the most part) all of my coworkers. There are special ones in there that will go out of there way for each other. That alone can fix any day.
Lastly:
Me. The way that I deal with it all is a huge. I came home. I clutched my husband. He thanked me for working so hard, for dealing with so much so he can finish school and be my sugar daddy. (It’s gonna happen). His appreciation helps me so much.
When facing adversity you just have to grin, bear it, take it best you can and learn. Learn what you can from it. If you can learn, that is what makes you different from everyone else. If you can take what you see as bad and learn a lesson from it and move forward then you stepped forward instead of stepping back or stepping down into a grumpy dark place.
My final parting words before a well deserved hot bath and some lunch is this:
When adversity comes, that misfortune, the calamity, the distress that this life has to offer you, take a deep breath, put on your determined face and make it good anyways.  I know that isn’t always possible and I know sometimes it is harder than it feels like its worth. But take it from me, someone is learning from watching your adversity. Be a grand lesson in strength and determination. You are better than what you are going through.
All my love always,
Lady X
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Work Rant

I was awoke this morning from a text message from a coworker that I messed up the milk order. Brilliant. This falls in line with all of my other failures this last week while I am in training for my promotion to be a shift supervisor at Starbucks.

I want so much to be good at my job. And getting a promotion at Starbucks to shift supervisor was great. The raise was nice. More than I expected and the boss that drove me crazy is gone replaced my a female ginger that I really like.

But my coworker who got promoted at the same time with me is making it hard to not hate him. And that sucks, cause before the promotion I mostly liked him.

Now he wants to point out every time I get something wrong. And it is driving me crazy.  I get it, it is possible that he will be better at this in the beginning than me because he is naturally an asshole. But I just really am not going to put up with him doing this to me constantly. I really am going to give him one more week of this and if he keeps it up I will tell him, then I will tell my boss. I don’t want to hate my job because the person I thought was a friend has decided it is fun to pick on me for all of my short comings.

It is making me hate working with him and it is making me even more self conscious about my job. It is hard to make the transition into being a boss, now I have to do it with a parrot on my shoulder telling me all of the things I do wrong.

Awesome. What a great morning this has turned out to be.

 

Maybe I will get lucky and my coworker will fail miserably somewhere today and I can hear about it later. I know that is petty but at this moment I don’t care.

MIA

Well bloggers, I am deeply sorry to have been gone so long. My iPad being missing hinders my writing greatly. It was its intended purpose to be my writing tool and I exercised it well while I had it. Now I have to write at my desktop and it just isn’t the same.

So for now small tidbits when I manage it is what you will get.

So the low down on whats going on.

Work:

Well I am getting ready for some coffee ambassador stuff for Starbucks so that is exciting. This is my last weekend to myself before every weekend is taken up in part for that project. I am excited to be a part of it and when I know more you will too. Pictures even!

Kids:

Well fighting with my ex seems to be all I can do if I talk to him on the phone so avoiding talking is the best idea. I keep hoping he will give up completely on being a dad. He isn’t that great at it every other weekend and he doesn’t take them anymore in the middle of the week like normal visitation. Why can’t he just give it up all together so I don’t have to play damage control over what happens at dads everytime the kids come back? This issue continues to be a problem but with not much to do about it right now I just have to deal.

He also swears he lost my old boudoir that I told him he needed to give me. Sure you did. Guys totally lose naked pictures. Right…..

The good thing is that the kids are starting to notice on their own about all that noise. The good news of the month? Both older kids are doing great in school (minus the sick 3 days we have had with asthma drama) and my youngest is starting to work towards sleeping in her tiny toddler bed that is next to mine. I love her but she needs to go! She takes up more room than a grown ass adult!

Love:

This aspect now includes the girls. My heart bursts at the thought. This coming weekend will be the third weekend in a row and more to come with Joe always here with me. I miss him during the week when he goes home. He does so well with the girls. And they just geek out over his minecraft knowledge and all the geeky things he can help them with. He and my oldest worked hard building while I was past out Saturday night. We had what just felt like an amazing family weekend. I made dinner and breakfast and we hung out with my crazy family and he worked on his homework, he used my belly as scratch paper for his trig homework. We just did every day normal crap and it was so great. So NORMAL. Just perfect.

This past weekend on Sunday when it was time for him to go home the conversation went down like this:

Me: I hate this part. (insert pouty face here)

Joe: I know babe. Come lay with me.

So I go lay with him, he buries his face in my neck.

Joe: Believe me I am going to miss you so much. (I burst inside just to relive this moment)

Me: I miss you now

We just lay there in the quiet.

Joe: I don’t want to go home.

Me: I don’t want you to

And he stays. I snuggle up to his back and just inhale all that smell that is him and peace floods over me.

I tell him all the time that I love having him in my space.

Pictures:

So two weeks ago I did my boudoir portrait session. I threw a few pics on here. It was the best time. I felt the most sexy ever. Spent the majority of the time just a bit tipsy and I am already planning the next one. I see a steampunk and a burlesque one in my future. Those will take time to plan but I am excited just at the prospect.

With my last super free weekend coming up I am going to laze around, read, maybe write, possibly draw a little, and watch my honey study and maybe even work on our little minecraft world. I have to be without my girls for the weekend and for that I am sad. I miss them terribly when they are with Dad, but I know that they need that, even if it isn’t the greatest time for them, at least maybe in time they can understand better why I didn’t stay.

Future:

No idea peeps. I just really want to play in my art, spend time with my loved ones, love unabashedly and without restraint (well maybe rope or scarves but that is a bit different) and I want to share with others all the love that feels like it is over flowing out of me in waves.

I am tired, over worked, under paid, totally broke, but I am blessed by God with gorgeous girls, the most amazing love of my life, a family who is crazy but loves me and helps me in ways most wouldn’t and I am a beautiful Daughter of God.

Who could have it better than me? I think no one.

Sorry so long all I just miss you so much!

Love Always,

Lady X

Sleep, what is that?

I am starting to believe that sleep is for everyone but me. I have to get up in 5 hours for work, coffee for everyone! But alas I am awake and I am wishing I was sleeping. 

So here I am, panties and tank top,dark room, iPad, Dave Matthews singing to me. I am alone. Now this is not the usual lonely. I don’t feel lonely of companionship. Just alone in the sense that I am the only one awake, laying here wondering what coffee slinging looks like tired. Sigh.

Now, to think about sleep I would say that while I like a good coma lately my sleep isn’t very productive, my dreams are weird, I cant remember them most of the time and that is frustrating. What if I was having a great naughty dream and the couldnt remember? How terrible is that! Especially if I can’t come share it with you.

So I decided while laying here I would go through all my menstrual cycle data and see if I could find what I had lost. Well I did. While to may seem stupid to do at midnight, I can do it from bed in my undies with no extra effort and it helps for when I go to the lady doc to give her good info. (I have girl drama but I’ll save that for another post)

So I learn some things from the notes and emotions I had listed over the course of a few months last year. Kinda made me sad. While I was actively in love with Carlos, in my happy state, every time I posted emotions in regards to being in love, one of the emotions I listed feeling at the same time was Lonliness. Another was depression, and jealousy. Unhappy emotions to be associating at the same time with love. I want to spend time pondering what this might mean, if it means anything at all since if you have read any of my older posts you are more than up to speed on the dramtic beginnings and endings of the Carlos saga. You can see that it was filled with a lot of stress and anxiety and I am sure it is easy when surrounded by such painful stress that these kinds of emotions can be linked.

I am sure the ramblings of my sleepy brain at hardly worth reading. Summer is almost here, almost time for a little break. Camping soon to get away and then camping again as a family with my midgets in July. So much to want to find doing.

Lord let me sleep, take my weary brain and see that it sleeps.

And as Sade says, if it’s not asking too much, please send me someone to love.

With all my love always,
Lady X

Work work work

Work is work, but I am glad I can sit here and type of an extra post for today since I feelk like I got cheated out of a post yesterday. It has been kind of a weird day, with the X husband sending me old pics, and then a pic of him (clothed of course) and then him calling me on my lunch break to ask me about our kids pregnancies and births for his journal I already feel like I have had more than I really wanted to spend talking to him today. Granted none of it was bad, I just wish sometimes that I could continue my week of blissful ignorance of pretending that he only exists when I have to see him. The rest of the time I pretend he isn’t an issue. Ignorance is bliss people and I will abuse that as long as I can.

As for work, work is great. It is always a perfect distraction for things in this life. Greeting and making customers happy really does help me feel energized and better about the day. At least in a small way when I feel like I have trouble making others happy I can always make someone happy at work by knowing their drink or knowing their name. Starbucks is an interesting place to work and since I love doting on others and being doted upon it is a great place for me to be.

I feel superficial today. I was thinking of how cute I am with my new tattoo and how adorable I am in my fake glasses and while there are other things that I think are negative that I could dwell on, I won’t. Why not just swell in the world that God gave me, look on it and the things that he created and know they are all beautiful. So if you didn’t know, you are beautiful, and loved and even though I don’t know you, I love you. So be comforted by that.

As I listen to Rumer, and enjoy the old 70’s feel of it, enjoy the melancholy feeling rolling over me because that is who I am and I am comfortable in that, I am glad, grateful, and happy to be me. As my tattoo says on my arm, I wouldn’t want to be anybody else. Love someone today, because as Dave Matthews says, everyday should be a good day to die.

With all my love and all my hugs,
Lady X

Pajamas

Pajamas –noun ( used with a plural verb )
1. night clothes consisting of loose-fitting trousers and jacket.
2.loose-fitting trousers, usually of silk or cotton, worn by both sexes in the Orient.

I am sitting in my pajamas as I type this. Why you ask? Well I am inherently lazy, and because pajamas are awesome. So why is this post entitled pajamas? Because I am pretty sure that I can type an entire post about how wonderful it is to spend all of my time snuggled up in a pair of wonderful pajamas drinking some hot tea and thinking of wonderful ways to use my time that is totally contrary to what I should be doing. Like working on something that is important. (Btw, I can work in my jammies too so I actually can get some work done) Plus I really wanted to write a post that wasn’t so emotionally intense as the last ones that I have been doing. It has been a stressful week and since stress is so bad for you I wanted to give you readers, (how few of you I am sure there are) a read that wasn’t fraught with drama and intense conversation.

And just for the record, most of the time when I am happily lounging around in my pajamas and not working I am being chased in my pjs by small children. I also clean in them. But that is a different story. That is just me not wanting to get something clean dirty while I work my tooshy off cleaning up the dirty house. I also rarely shower before I clean. Who wants to get all sweaty when they are cleaning when they started off clean? And sure, if I actually managed to keep the place clean then I could probably pick up the place easier but hey, I don’t like it when things are easy. If I did then I wouldn’t be here typing this to you instead of cleaning right now.

So what am I doing right now you ask? Besides sitting in a bed that isn’t mine writing a post that essentially is about mostly nothing? Well, I am waiting for Carlos’s cable guy. This is me being nice and waiting for the peeps that give you the giant window of time that they may or may not show up to help you with your missing internet needs. The up side? Well I am in an apartment that is empty of children, my mom has my munchkins. Then later, when I leave here and if I manage to find my happy ass in a shower I will pick up the gaggle of children from school and drop them all off in their respective wed places and then a quiet evening. The only upside to the girls going to Bob’s is an evening where if I wanted to accomplish something I could. Now to figure out if I actually want to accomplish something or if I instead want to get half bombed trying to learn to drink red wine. Anyone know a good brand I could start with?

I figure I look less like I am a raging lush if I drink a glass of wine in the evening instead of something full of hard liquor. It is just a theory. I may still be a lush that way but since I drink less than once a week, and I rarely (and I do mean rarely) get drunk I think I am safe.

Productive is out the window today my friends. I am just going to do my best to avoid it. I would like to spend the entire day in my jammies. Not while this won’t happen I can say that as little work as I can get away with is what will be performed today. I will not go above and beyond unless there is just no way around it. I was productive yesterday and the day before. Today is my lazy day. And rejoice in this day that the Lord has made I shall. Rejoice in the beautiful simplicity of being a soth. Yes you can infact rejoice in slothfulness as long as it is done in moderation. And my friends, moderation is a whole other blog post for a later day. Maybe tomorrow.

In my jammies happy,
Lady X