The Lake

I am wide awake. The night is quiet. The only sounds are those of the crickets and other night creatures that make up the sounds of nature going on around me as I look at hundreds of stars. I look around the lake, the water is black glass. Calm and placid. Beautiful in its design. The trees surround me, I feel it the oxygen, the life, the colors that surround me. Everything here is alive and it vibrates around me. I feel it in my skin. Feel the vibrations inside my skin. The night life is its own music. Its a beautiful complex set of sounds. Earthy, natural, brilliant. Amazing.

I felt this way last night. I looked at the endless sky, I thought to myself, “this night could only be more perfect if I saw a firefly.” When I was kid, in my hometown at the fourth of July, we sat on the top of the hill, and we got ready to watch the fireworks. And as dusk hit there was a firefly, then another. Until there were twenty or thirty of them. It was in my eyes an endless see of amazing beauty. Tiny flashing lights. Not made by man, but instead made by God. Such wonder in my 12 year old eyes. I had never seen a firefly before then. So to me it was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen in my life. So last night I told myself that after such a perfect day it would only be more perfect if I could see a firefly. And as I walked back to my tent I looked and I couldn’t believe my eyes. A firefly. Such wonder. I followed it with my eyes till it was out of sight. Just grateful in that moment to have a 12 year olds childhood wish granted.

Amazing.

Be amazed.

Love Always,
Lady X

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Trees

Tree –noun
1. a plant having a permanently woody main stem or trunk, ordinarily growing to a considerable height, and usually developing branches at some distance from the ground.
2. any of various shrubs, bushes, and plants, as the banana, resembling a tree in form and size.
3. something resembling a tree in shape, as a clothes tree or a crosstree.

While sitting in just a button up shirt in Carlos’s living room I spent some time staring out his front window at a tree. Since I spent part of that day with the trepidation that haunts me ever still. The evil W is the direct cause of this. I am sure. But still, I digress, I was talking about trees.

Trees are amazing. They stand strong and steadfast through years of weather, and wind. They live through seasons, and they change when its time. I have decided that I want to be a tree. Steadfast, sure, knowing and always there. Only the worst weathers can bring them down, and even then it has left its mark on the world. The mark of it’s seeds left to grow strong and tall. Trees are amazing. And it would be wonderful to stand tall and strong and watch all of the amazing things that can happen in this life.

Now the next logical question is what kind of tree would I be? Well to choose a tree that fits me most, I would have to choose the weeping willow. This is a choice based on personal preference as well as common sense. First off I am weepy. I giggle as I type this just because weepy is how my sister would describe me. I cry at emotional commercials, and at the end of sappy movies. Toy Story 3 about put me in a crying coma. The neat thing about the weeping willow is that it is a resilient tree. The bark is used in many cultures for healing and pain relief. And the branches alone can begin the life anew for a willow tree.

I also think they are beautiful. If I were a willow I would want my branches to hang low so that children could play under the shade of my branches. I would hope that a couple would come and carve their initials on my trunks. Something with a heart I think. At this thought when conveying my upcoming blog post to Carlos he made sure to say “Even as a tree you want tattoos.” I laughed at this. Proof I was always meant to have body art.

I love the whole idea behind being a tree. Imagine all the lazy days you get to have. All the wonder you get to enjoy. And provided you don’t live in a state that will have you uprooted by wind and tornadoes and/or hurricanes and what not, you will probably live a ridiculous amount of time and be witness to amazing things. Everything GOD makes is amazing so imagine all the little things we miss in this life that we could savor if we could actually be rooted somewhere and be able to sit and patiently watch the world go by.

I rarely have patients. I believe that I have some amazing talent or positive thing about me that GOD gave me instead of patience. Not sure what that is. So the thought of being a peaceful tree with loads of patience is appealing. Although as I typed that I had a thought of feeling rooted and unable to move. It reminds me of a Dave Matthews song. The song is called If I had it All. And in the song he says that. I will of course post the lyrics below.

The feeling of being trapped is certainly one that turns even the most stable person into someone who wants to flee. A problem I often have. Living in chaos will create a serious want to run inside you. Now the smart person knows that running is just a delay. The problem is still there. The scared person wants to move as fast as possible from the problem and avoid the feeling of impending doom. So feeling rooted and unable to move would be the downside to my want to be a tree.

An upside is the symbol of strength and lasting that a tree provides. People plant them now when they get married so they can watch it grow with their marriage. It is a romantic idea. I almost think that it could turn depressing if your ability to grow a tree sucks and it dies. I am certain that the death of the tree doesn’t signify impending marital problems. Try telling that to the sobbing woman who thinks you might as well file now since the tree died.

(I laughed a little at that last part too. I really am sick.)

What does this all mean in the grand scheme of things? Well I am not a tree. I don’t get to be a tree. What I can do is try to take a tiny leap each day to take on the characteristics of something so beautiful, so strong, and seeming so lasting.

As always yours,
Lady X

If I had it all – Dave Matthews Band

Sometimes I can’t move my feet it seems
As if I’m stuck in the ground somehow like a tree
As if I can’t even breathe
And my screams come whispering out
As if nobody can even see me, like a ghost
Sometimes I can’t see myself sometimes

Then again if I were a king, If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant size, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for
If I had it all
Sometimes I feel lost
As I pull you out like strings of memories
Wish I could weave them into you
And I could figure the whole damn puzzle out

Then again, if I were a king, If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant size, on top of it all
Tell me what in the world would I go on for
If I had it all

I could take anything
If I had no greed to pay
Only the poison thats tainting the clean
Then nothing
Remembering times
Much younger than me now
When my breath was light
When the world raised me up kind
Here mother comforts child
Every moment was waking up
But now I’ve grown tired
If I had it all
You know, I’d fuck it up

If I were a king, If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant size, on top of it all
Tell me what in the world would I sing for

If I were a king, if I had everything
Piece by piece
If I had you if i could give you your dreams
If I were giant sized on top of it all
Then tell me why in the world would i go on for
If I had it all
If I had it all
If I had it all