Bedtime and giddy

It’s bedtime and I just found out my sweetie can come to my poetry reading tomorrow and hear me read out loud the mushy stuff I have recently wrote for him.

I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. How very intimate Nd sweet that I get to do this. Sigh. Okay, rant over. Night all.

Your resident crazy,
Lady X

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Long Days and Lonely Nights

Spoiled Rotten. This is what I have become. About a week and a half ago I had a cold. After the cold vanished my asthma decided to take up residence. It got pretty bad. And I freaked out my sweetie Joe. The text conversation went exactly like this:

Me: I’m not well babe. Air is a rare commodity for me right now.

Joe: 😦

Me: Time for sleep to open. Have the best night love. xxxoooxxx ily

About thirty minutes later I get a text that I didn’t get until 11:30p.

Joe: Are you alright babe? Your not in the ER or something crazy like that, right?

15 minutes later

Joe: Worried….

So I text him back.

Me: I’m still at home. Taking another treatment now. Woke up with no air. I’m sorry to worry you.

Joe: 😦 I’m coming to see you. Want a treat from Whataburger?

 

Since I worried him he had slept over every night since. 14 days with him there every night and every morning. Brilliant and wonderful. Watching him interact with the girls, watching all of us together. Eating together. Just everything. Warmed my heart. Last night was the first night I have had to sleep alone. I slept on his side of the bed so I could smell him in my pillow. I just want him in my space all the time. I feel lonely without knowing he is coming here, and I really do not like sleeping without him.

I am so glad he feels the same. He is so sweet to me. He’s talked about the future. My adorable nerdy gamer, who was afraid to fall for me has not only fallen hard for me, but I can see he has fallen for my girls too. We went to the park with a picnic. Just me and Joe and the girls. He plays with them, and chases them. Makes them giggle uncontrollably,  and he worries for them.

My birthday is coming up, and the only thing I want is an evening with Joe and the girls. There is literally nothing I could enjoy more. I can’t explain the happiness that I feel at seeing my girls and Joe bonding. I can’t express in words how amazing this found love has been. It was unexpected, it wasn’t looking to last and now it is looking to be brilliant and perfect.

 

Let me just say this, in my happy I know that nothing is guaranteed. It could end tomorrow. Not sure why it would but I know nothing is forever because life is too short and people are not perfect. I will say this much, even if I knew now that my happiness would end tomorrow, I would still want to love Joe today. I could know that it isn’t going to be always love and I would still want to feel this way right now. Regardless of the pain I may suffer. This LOVE is worth it.

Always me, Always happy to be me and not anyone else.

Tiarra aka Lady X

 

MIA

Well bloggers, I am deeply sorry to have been gone so long. My iPad being missing hinders my writing greatly. It was its intended purpose to be my writing tool and I exercised it well while I had it. Now I have to write at my desktop and it just isn’t the same.

So for now small tidbits when I manage it is what you will get.

So the low down on whats going on.

Work:

Well I am getting ready for some coffee ambassador stuff for Starbucks so that is exciting. This is my last weekend to myself before every weekend is taken up in part for that project. I am excited to be a part of it and when I know more you will too. Pictures even!

Kids:

Well fighting with my ex seems to be all I can do if I talk to him on the phone so avoiding talking is the best idea. I keep hoping he will give up completely on being a dad. He isn’t that great at it every other weekend and he doesn’t take them anymore in the middle of the week like normal visitation. Why can’t he just give it up all together so I don’t have to play damage control over what happens at dads everytime the kids come back? This issue continues to be a problem but with not much to do about it right now I just have to deal.

He also swears he lost my old boudoir that I told him he needed to give me. Sure you did. Guys totally lose naked pictures. Right…..

The good thing is that the kids are starting to notice on their own about all that noise. The good news of the month? Both older kids are doing great in school (minus the sick 3 days we have had with asthma drama) and my youngest is starting to work towards sleeping in her tiny toddler bed that is next to mine. I love her but she needs to go! She takes up more room than a grown ass adult!

Love:

This aspect now includes the girls. My heart bursts at the thought. This coming weekend will be the third weekend in a row and more to come with Joe always here with me. I miss him during the week when he goes home. He does so well with the girls. And they just geek out over his minecraft knowledge and all the geeky things he can help them with. He and my oldest worked hard building while I was past out Saturday night. We had what just felt like an amazing family weekend. I made dinner and breakfast and we hung out with my crazy family and he worked on his homework, he used my belly as scratch paper for his trig homework. We just did every day normal crap and it was so great. So NORMAL. Just perfect.

This past weekend on Sunday when it was time for him to go home the conversation went down like this:

Me: I hate this part. (insert pouty face here)

Joe: I know babe. Come lay with me.

So I go lay with him, he buries his face in my neck.

Joe: Believe me I am going to miss you so much. (I burst inside just to relive this moment)

Me: I miss you now

We just lay there in the quiet.

Joe: I don’t want to go home.

Me: I don’t want you to

And he stays. I snuggle up to his back and just inhale all that smell that is him and peace floods over me.

I tell him all the time that I love having him in my space.

Pictures:

So two weeks ago I did my boudoir portrait session. I threw a few pics on here. It was the best time. I felt the most sexy ever. Spent the majority of the time just a bit tipsy and I am already planning the next one. I see a steampunk and a burlesque one in my future. Those will take time to plan but I am excited just at the prospect.

With my last super free weekend coming up I am going to laze around, read, maybe write, possibly draw a little, and watch my honey study and maybe even work on our little minecraft world. I have to be without my girls for the weekend and for that I am sad. I miss them terribly when they are with Dad, but I know that they need that, even if it isn’t the greatest time for them, at least maybe in time they can understand better why I didn’t stay.

Future:

No idea peeps. I just really want to play in my art, spend time with my loved ones, love unabashedly and without restraint (well maybe rope or scarves but that is a bit different) and I want to share with others all the love that feels like it is over flowing out of me in waves.

I am tired, over worked, under paid, totally broke, but I am blessed by God with gorgeous girls, the most amazing love of my life, a family who is crazy but loves me and helps me in ways most wouldn’t and I am a beautiful Daughter of God.

Who could have it better than me? I think no one.

Sorry so long all I just miss you so much!

Love Always,

Lady X

Just a moment

I dont have long to write this so I thought I would share a moment with you from night before last. Lying in my bed, reading The Count of Monte Cristo with Joe, listening to the happy sounds of minecraft, my youngest decides its time for kisses. Our cloudy kisses as I m calling them now. She kisses me, at least four times. Then she decides it’s Joes turn. Without hesitation he is giggling and kissing her, cheeks all puffed out, face full of smiles. I was glowing at the exchange. Heart bursting.

Being divorced I come with three little beautiful suitcases. My baggage as it were. I love them and seeing them interact with the other part of my life that I love makes me happy. In a way I can’t describe.

Joe got to talk with and play with my oldest too and she is the tough one. But Joe is growing on her. I know all of this is the hardest on her since she still held out hope for me and Her dad. But I see her softening. And it makes me giddy all the more.

I’m happy people, and I am here to give single moms every where hope. You can find love even with beautiful baggage. I hope that your kids are as charming as mine.

Love ya!

Tiarra

Another sleepless morning

I can really call it a sleepless night when I climbed into bed at nearly one am. Working till the bucks closes and then trying to sleep is sometimes hardly effective. Today I don’t work till 6pm so I don’t care that I find myself awake with the midget (my youngest) at 5am. I got a few well deserved zzzzz before she woke up. Now it’s chocolate milk and Phineas and Ferb. And me here pouring out the thoughts that consume this brain in the wee hours of the morning.

So I am laying here, all tucked up in bed, too lazy for Jammie’s so topless and string bikinis are the way to go. I’m in a house full of girls so modesty isn’t an issue for bedtime attire. My bestest cowriter came by my work tonight and hugged me, told me what great writing work that last poem I posted here was. It is some of my better work. Amazing what you can write while a passenger in the back seat just because you have your iPad with you. I got to see lots of my favorite customers. One guy whose name I don’t know, he gets a grande, one pump vanilla extra foam, nonfat caramel macchiato. He loves it whe I remember his drink. Just makes him giddy. My photographer friend who is going to do my pin up work and some nudes for me came in too. I’m a photographer also so he brought me some extra gear he had. It was super sweet and I can’t wait to use it camping this weekend.

My customers make the lame pay worth it. They truly make the job worth while.

I got a huge compliment from a coworker tonight. He is one of the shift supervisors at work and he said that I am one of the most grown up people he knows. I don’t let the crazy get to me. He tanks that’s cool. I appreciate him noticing. There are a few things that bug me. But I try not to legit get to me at work.

So now as I lay here I am thinking of my upcoming camping trip, and the fun that is going to ensue. I am so excited about it that I can hardly contain myself. Three days to relax, no big plans, just water and sunscreen and music. That is my vacation to myself weekend. Honestly, can you think of anything better. Just laying out in the sun, water all around, just baking. I’m gonna be a nice shade of bronze when I get home. Awesome.

So this post isn’t the usual, I can’t sleep, why me, I hate insomnia posts. I am tired, but I’m not minding this moment of peace to write a post that’s largely about nothing.

I’m happy in this moment, happy for my girls,happy for my friends and family, happy to be sweet on someone (that’s another post for another time) in this moment I am happy. Simple, unwanting of anything as inlay here in my bed.

I’m outside the box, looking in and see all that I am not hindered by anymore. I love it.

Spend some time outside the box today.

All my love always,
Lady X

Pajamas

Pajamas –noun ( used with a plural verb )
1. night clothes consisting of loose-fitting trousers and jacket.
2.loose-fitting trousers, usually of silk or cotton, worn by both sexes in the Orient.

I am sitting in my pajamas as I type this. Why you ask? Well I am inherently lazy, and because pajamas are awesome. So why is this post entitled pajamas? Because I am pretty sure that I can type an entire post about how wonderful it is to spend all of my time snuggled up in a pair of wonderful pajamas drinking some hot tea and thinking of wonderful ways to use my time that is totally contrary to what I should be doing. Like working on something that is important. (Btw, I can work in my jammies too so I actually can get some work done) Plus I really wanted to write a post that wasn’t so emotionally intense as the last ones that I have been doing. It has been a stressful week and since stress is so bad for you I wanted to give you readers, (how few of you I am sure there are) a read that wasn’t fraught with drama and intense conversation.

And just for the record, most of the time when I am happily lounging around in my pajamas and not working I am being chased in my pjs by small children. I also clean in them. But that is a different story. That is just me not wanting to get something clean dirty while I work my tooshy off cleaning up the dirty house. I also rarely shower before I clean. Who wants to get all sweaty when they are cleaning when they started off clean? And sure, if I actually managed to keep the place clean then I could probably pick up the place easier but hey, I don’t like it when things are easy. If I did then I wouldn’t be here typing this to you instead of cleaning right now.

So what am I doing right now you ask? Besides sitting in a bed that isn’t mine writing a post that essentially is about mostly nothing? Well, I am waiting for Carlos’s cable guy. This is me being nice and waiting for the peeps that give you the giant window of time that they may or may not show up to help you with your missing internet needs. The up side? Well I am in an apartment that is empty of children, my mom has my munchkins. Then later, when I leave here and if I manage to find my happy ass in a shower I will pick up the gaggle of children from school and drop them all off in their respective wed places and then a quiet evening. The only upside to the girls going to Bob’s is an evening where if I wanted to accomplish something I could. Now to figure out if I actually want to accomplish something or if I instead want to get half bombed trying to learn to drink red wine. Anyone know a good brand I could start with?

I figure I look less like I am a raging lush if I drink a glass of wine in the evening instead of something full of hard liquor. It is just a theory. I may still be a lush that way but since I drink less than once a week, and I rarely (and I do mean rarely) get drunk I think I am safe.

Productive is out the window today my friends. I am just going to do my best to avoid it. I would like to spend the entire day in my jammies. Not while this won’t happen I can say that as little work as I can get away with is what will be performed today. I will not go above and beyond unless there is just no way around it. I was productive yesterday and the day before. Today is my lazy day. And rejoice in this day that the Lord has made I shall. Rejoice in the beautiful simplicity of being a soth. Yes you can infact rejoice in slothfulness as long as it is done in moderation. And my friends, moderation is a whole other blog post for a later day. Maybe tomorrow.

In my jammies happy,
Lady X