Infinitesimal

in·fin·i·tes·i·mal (/ˌinfinəˈtes(ə)m(ə)l/)

adjective

1.
extremely small.”an infinitesimal pause”

minute, tiny, minuscule, extremely small, very small

Our universe is so expansive. To consider how big we are in the grand scheme of things is to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of creation. We are in fact infinitesimal. So very small in the world, in the universe and in so many ways.

So why point out the obvious? We know we are small.

Because to think that God created each of us uniquely just the same way he created the stars, the planets and the expansive space that occupies millions of galaxies is incredible and amazing.

Most days, I feel infinitesimal. Small, hardly noticeable and surely not as special or as talented as so many others God has given gifts too.

But this is a lie, while yes, I am small, I have a big God who stands before and carved my path. No matter what happens, I need only call on him and I find my way back. “The light for your path is over here.” God says to me.

Sigh.

If only we always followed his slowly lit steps. At least grace tells me that I can always come back, lay my head on the lap of my savior, creator and Heavenly Father and find myself covered in peace and forgiveness that I can’t earn, that I don’t deserve, but that I will gladly accept every second, every moment of every day that I am gifted breath.

If you find yourself feeling small, and maybe even overlooked, remember your God is bigger than this world, and because you(we) are small, he can carry us in the palm of his hand.

Always Grateful,

Tiarra

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Where are you going?

Where are you going?

While I was driving to My middle child’s allergy appointment I thought about the hundreds of cars on the road. Where is everyone going? I thought about dance recitals and plays, jobs and summer school. I thought about hospitals and funeral homes.

I thought about final goodbyes and burying loved ones. If anyone else is like me, I get frustrated with the aggressive drivers and the passive ones. Our culture is in such a big damn hurry all the time.

I thought about how if I slowed down and had more patience, that maybe even though I’ll never know, maybe that extended grace in the car might save someone’s life.

Be patient with this world. We all seem to be in a hurry. Slow down. Maybe God put you in that traffic jam for a reason. To think, to pray, to remember to slow down. For whatever reason, have grace.

This world still needs you.

Old post I never shared here.

Sigh

To describe how you bring light into my life when all seems bleak or bland is without words. I love you more than this faulty English language can say. Perhaps if I spoke another language I could actually put it into words. But for now, this will have to do.

Oh me, love.

It’s the hair that rises on my neck and the prickle of goosebumps across my skin and the feel of your breath knowing that in only moments I’ll feel that breath and those lips and even those teeth, as they lay claim to what is theirs.

It’s the laughter that erupts from an unexpected pick up and toss on the bed.

It’s the feeling of swollen lips after the most incredible kiss

It’s the smile knowing that across my hips are the fingerprints of where you couldn’t get me close enough.

It’s the safety, the peace, and the pure bliss of my face on your chest, the feeling of your heartbeat, whether racing or at rest and the rise and fall of breath.

It’s the title that I bear, wife, knowing that I belong to you and you to me.

Even more, it’s knowing that we are partners in this life. Navigating rushing waters, following dreams, losing it all and gaining it back. It’s knowing that we can captain this ship together.

My love, my husband, my sweet Joseph, May I always pour into you, the way you pour into me. May you always see and return the desire to be together and may we always be seeking as we do this day, to be the best to each other and our girls.

I love you.

Words are not enough

Words are a sad way to describe love. What could any human language manage to say that rings true?

Too small, too faded, to feeble even with the descriptive nature of words.

Love is too big, too bold, taking the word “too” and adding it in order to enhance a word so inadequate that we still feel under expressed in the meaning we want to convey of what it means to love.

To feel it, to know it, to observe it, is to understand how faulty, how insufficient the words we have been given are. How could they sketch the qualities that love, true love, adorns itself with?

Not decorated in jewels but instead by tears of joy, intrinsically designed by a master craftsman, labored over an entire lifetime to create something they felt spoke of the beauty and the love that was screaming to be shared from the depths of their soul

This, my love, is how I see our love. Too amazing for the words that I have. Too limitless for description. There is no picture I can paint for you that will show what loving you looks like.

No passionate story I could portray for you that would truly show what loving you means to me.

My love, you are made up from the dust of the stars. The remnants of creation of the universe. Taken by the hands of God and shaped into the love meant just for me. What a gift!

To have a work of art, created just for one person is to know the creator truly wants us to have who he shaped for us and who he artfully put together to be just what we need to experience a bountiful way of love that will never be able to be put into words.

I can only say this, and hope that the magnitude of my words are felt.

I love you.

And we danced

The perfect moment when the world slows and everything in my vicinity begins to hum. That moment is when you take my hand, you meet my waist with yours and we begin to dance.

It isn’t romantical in the sense of perfection. It isn’t as if in this moment our love is more or less perfect than it is at every other moment.

Not either of these things at all.

More it is a sense that at this moment as we move to unheard music, your vibrations and light match with mine and I can feel the notes, reverberating through my soul, creating a harmony unlike any other.

As you press your lips to my forehead, and as I inhale your scent the moment, the feelings, the music, it is all the exists.

It passes by almost as quickly as it comes, leaving upon me a perfect imprint of your music, the notes forever painted on my soul. And what is left as we part for the regular moments to come? And endless longing of that moment once more and the sweet anticipation of knowing that it will come.

***

7 years today, my love rescued me. This is for you husband.

 

 

Rain on my window.

It would seem as though the rain and clouds will never part. Instead of cursing this moment of rain, let the water stream down your face. Let the lightning bring moments of brightness to the clouds. Let the water drench your clothes and let the water pool at your feet. Let it wash you clean. Let it take away the moments of doubt. Doubt in yourself, in your purpose, in your calling. Let it all fall away. Why? Oh, dear one, you are on your own team, let yourself believe in you the way you believe in others.
 
You are mighty, a force to be reckoned with, and no one can take that from you, but you.
 
The person who can truly change your life is reading this right now.
 
I believe in you.

Walking with Mary

Me: Mary how did you do it? So many terrible things happened to your son while he was on this earth, how did you handle it all?

Mary: It was a very interesting experience and when I look back at it now I see with full clarity the amazing plan that God had for me and for Jesus. But during that time I was confused and hurting. I didn’t know how to bear the full weight of what was going happen to him when I saw him on that cross it was the hardest moment I imagine that any mother should ever have to deal with is seeing their child die.

But look at us now. We are in this beautiful heaven and we know the reasons behind every tragedy that has ever been following us. Look at Jesus standing over there with the love of all of his people surrounding him. There are so many people here enjoying the love and grace of God because of what he did and because I stood aside and didn’t intervene. How could I in my selfishness deny all of the people who live because of him simply to keep him safe and with me? I am able to see with full clarity the love in his face as we all get to stand here and heaven beside him it’s more than worth all that we endured during that brief time that we spent on earth. I know that in our human minds during tragedy we don’t understand the fullness of God’s plan.

I among so many others have lost their children with no rhyme or reason. No bit of understanding to soothe us. But God’s light is there to guide our steps, and only Jesus and his comfort, though from so far away will give us any peace. Despite the suffering, there is so much that we can learn and be able to lean on his word will give us the strength to make it here. Look now, with us all standing here in glory, we can see the fullness of Christ’s love and God’s love and bask in that and know that every sorrow, every hurt, every pain that we suffered was necessary to bring us to the fullness of God’s love.