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Yesterday was a pain day. Still suffering this pain that I had surgery over a few months ago. To me surgery failed. To the doctor, you have to wait up to two years to know if it truly failed because of how long it takes for a body to heal, and then heal from the scar tissue created from the first healing. Sigh.

Pain reminds me of my marriage. It is something that I don’t deal with well. I watched my ex turn into nothing more than a lump of flesh that sits at home hoping to get better. It has been that way for 8 years. Nothing has changed. 

So when I encounter pain, and it has no noticable origin, I worry that I will end up that way. I am stronger than he is and was at the time he got hurt. I am not going to be defeated by this. So a new medication, a new treatment plan. At least I can say that now I finally have a plan.

That encourages me. I also have a strong family backing me. So I can rest assured that I have the best prayer warriors, the best people loving me and keeping me strong. I have the most beautiful girls to keep me going. So I will continue on moving forwards. Try this new route and see if it helps. I sure hope so. Yesterday was fail. I got almost nothing done. I ran to the grocery store at 7:30p just to make sure I had cereal and stuff for the kids. I hate doing that. I was so tired I couldn’t even finish my shopping because I just felt uncoordinated.  I got enough to get by for a few days but it was a rough day. I am ready to be over the hump of all this.

The reason for this post? Well besides making  a note of the happenings it is probably more due to the fact that I have had more than my regular share of interactions with my exhusband today. That alone stresses me out. He is on to a new idea of getting better. The doctor says he thinks his hips are the problem, not his back. He may be looking at hip replacement soon. Sheesh that man will be a cyborg before we know it. Maybe Cyborgs can get jobs??…

That is a whole other story.

Today is a day to be glad. Another day above ground, to see the joy of a child growing. To be loved by our friends and families. I am glad. My pain is small compared to that of a child. I would suffer a thousand times if I knew that it meant my children would suffer less.

I hope to be more uplifting tomorrow. For now I shall leave you with my usual. 

Love. Let yourself be loved. That is all.

Always,

Lady X

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