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Today has been Dave Matthews day. I rarely listen to him now. Depending on the song that is. Crash is my heart song since I was 16. Rapunzel is my naughty song. You and me is just a sweet song. I Did It is my love bomb song.

41 is my life song.

(Tattoo still coming. Hopefully on the same day I get my Friday the 13th tattoo. September is the month that has Friday the 13th btw)

Some of the songs make me melancholy. Which used to be the state that I existed in all the time. Years of it. Since I was 17 listening to the Cranberries or Elvis, But I am not that way any more. Just happy. It really is something to feel, to behold. It has made me realize I have so many things to appreciate.

I also have found the meaning that 41 has for me. I told Carlos many times I never understood why 41 meant so much to me. What it meant to me, what it was for. I never thought I would know. I certainly didn’t think today I would find that meaning. But I did. It is also far simpler than I could have imagined.

I was that girl. The one in the song. I did finally let the ghosts come reeling and crashing down.  And I did find may way to run and dance in the rain and I am glad. I think that when this song meant so much to me was because I hadn’t realized that I was waiting for the man in the song. To come and play for me, to bring me water, a man who wouldn’t tell me what to be. A man who just wanted to come, to stay, to wait for me, the one who wanted to love me.

I have that now, and tomorrow leads my way.

 

All my love always,

Lady X

 

#41

Come and see
I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles
I’m coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while
I’m in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for
All of the loneliness that nobody
Notices now
I’m begging slow I’m coming here
Only waiting I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you
I’m only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way
I’m coming waltzing back and
Moving into your head
Please, I wouldn’t pass this by
I wouldn’t take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won’t you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run
In the rain and play
Let the tears splash all over you

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