Sadness

My heart aches for OK tonight. The loss of so many lives in something so tragic as a tornado. The loss of child life touches my deeply. I want to hug each mommy and daddy and tell them I am so so sorry. Tell them that God has a plan even though in that moment I am sure it sounds like crap. No one can imagine the pain you suffer at losing a child. I have had 3 miscarriages. 6 pregnancies and 3 live children. And I can’t even imagine the loss of a child that you have guided, hugged, kissed, tucked into bed, heard say I love you mommy, I love you daddy. All loss is tragic, this loss brings me to tears and makes me ache inside. I can’t imagine how these parents feel.

Take a moment and pray, send happy thoughts, send money via red cross. Recognize that these people have been tragically effected by these storms. Send them some loves. And Hug your babies. No matter how old they are. Think about the parents in Oklahoma tonight who in a matter in 40 minutes time (the life cycle) and the worst of it (about 15 minutes) took the lives of their children and their loved ones that they will never hug again. Spend a moment in gratitude and thankfulness for what you have. And send them prayer that they can make it through this time where they learn to deal with never hugging their children or their husband or their wife or mom or sister or brother or father ever again.

Life is lived in seconds. It is lost in seconds, and it can be taken away from you in an instant.

All my love always,

Lady X

Advertisements

You

I trace the patterns where I felt your skin
I smell the sweat of our chemistry mixed

I hear the laughter and the giggles of our play
I feel the pressure of your body pinning mine

A bite here, a tickle there
A wicked smile 

A squeal
A sigh 

A lick
A kiss

I love you
I know

 

I have had an amazing few days despite the bumps. Sarah and urgent care, my fun kidney stone issues. Scheduling drama. All these things counted for and the time this week has still been magical. I have reminisced over the last year with my Joseph. We have talked about things we have said. The places we were when he said I love you for the first time. The second time. He was so nervous. The ways that he told me were so cute, meant to be said with an edge of fun so that he wasn’t overwhelmed with the seriousness of the moment. Before he said I love you. We were laying in bed, and he said to me. 

“I am getting quite fond of you” 

I knew it was hard for him to admit it. He had already said that the commitment to me and the girls scared him to death.  The first time he said he loved me, he wrapped me in his arms around me in the dark and rocked me back and forth and said,

“I just love all of this so much!” 

It was so sweet, it took me totally by surprise. Not surprised that somebody loved me. That my Joseph not only said it to me, but he said it first.

The second time was watching movies, and he leans over and kisses me. Then he says,

“I love Tiarra cause she’s so delicious.” (Yes you can hear the goldfish song here, and yes he sang it that way)

Since then more I love you’s have been exchanged than I could ever hope to count. Watching him smile, seeing him with the girls. Dream come true. I am indeed blessed. As I sit here watching the kids play minecraft, and I sit here typing this while Joseph is off grinding away (quite literally) at Starbucks I am just grateful. It is a nice place to be. Just happy to be me. My tattoo makes me happy. It is true every day. 

I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.

All my love,

Lady X

The Vibrations of my Soul

Music. 

It echoes its mark inside me. Vibrates through my core. Some songs more than others. Everyday it is different. Different genre, different type, different beat. Right now it is Snow Patrol, Just Say Yes. The synth, the drums, his solid deep voice. It makes me smile. Sometimes I can go a bit crazy with music and at times it can feel sexual. This just makes me feel happy. Giddy, exploring the notes, swaying my hips. 

Just say yes, just say yes, nothing holding you back

Not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love

It’s so simple and you know it is

I think I have listened to this song 8 times now. I heard it originally playing on spotify. Now I am just listening to it over and over on youtube. I just find it soothing, calming, brilliant. 

Just say yes, just say yes, nothing holding you back

It’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love

Just feeling loved. Feeling happy. I literally can’t remember at any point in my life feeling this happy. This complete. (Other than the days my daughters were born, and even that was hindered my be ex.)

Please take my hand

Please take my hand

Please take my hand

Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say yes, nothing holding you back

Not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love

Watch it, listen. Feel the notes wash over you. Smile. 

Just say yes, just say yes, Nothing holding you back

Not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love

Just say yes 🙂

Love,

Lady X

Hostile Work Environment

When people think about work I am sure most of the time they think of a hostile environment, hell bent on sucking what remaining pieces of joy you may have had when you started your day so that by the time you leave, you are lifeless and hating everything about the place that you work and hating every reason why you have to revisit this place tomorrow.

This is not a problem that I usually have. I love my job. I hate my pay, but I love my job. I love my customers,  I love being the boss on the occasion that the floor is mine. This past two weeks since two of our partners got canned we are dealing with a hostile environment that I am not used to. I got shifts freaking out on the job, baristas that are cussing on the floor in front of customers. I don’t have the patience for this. I need stability and continuity. I like when things are relatively predictable when it comes to work. Now since my hours are all over the place and never the same week to week I have to be flexible there. 

I walked into a train wreck this morning. My friend Keri, who is also a shift, was wigging out. I guess she opened this morning to a store that was not all to well taken care of for opening, and Sunday for our store is our big order where we get soap and paper towells and a whole host of other crap we need to run the store all week long. Well a minute after I walk through the door I got Keri throwing boxes, and when Gino walks to the back to talk to me for a second and set his drink down she yells at him too.

I was shocked. I have had Keri yell at me. I get over stuff pretty quickly. Gino wants to transfer now. I can’t take much more loss at my store. I just want my people to stay. All I can do is my best to make the environment comfortable and stress free while I am the shift and while it is my floor. Thats it. I realize that. It is however, very frustrating to try to not watch my people leave my store. Sigh. Not a thing to do about it.

 

Ugh, grumpy post over. 

 

Just me

Lady X

Time to prepare

So my brilliant photographer fried Howard and I are cooking up something special in the way of a round 2 of portraits this year. The fall is the time. The type? Couple 20’s boudoir with a little old school private detective cosplay in it. Got the office picked out. Just gotta finish up my 8 weeks of Insanity. (I restart it this coming weekend since my surgery) I will be tan, and slim and ready to go. All I can see are white starched shirts, suspenders, fedoras, and neckties. Old phones, black and white, long jackets and long eyelashes. 

Why oh why must I do this? Well because I love creating these images, because I can’t find anyone who will let me do it for them, and because I am adorable and before I am old I want to be able to see my cute face in pictures. Same reason to photograph your children. Moments come and go so fast.

So this weekend the kids get their portraits done, and in the fall I get mine. So many things to do. So many things to do this weekend. Le sigh.

 

Take pictures, even if they aren’t great. Remember, you only live this one time. Make memories that last so that you can remember what you were, are, and what you have.

Love,

Lady X

Naked

Yes, thats what this post is about. But it sadly isn’t naughty. On the rare occasion that my house is not full of children I sleep in the buff. The ratio for this is terrible. Out of the whole year it really is just a handful of times. Maybe two handfuls. Its just not that many.

The real truth about this post is that if you have an unmaid bed, and pets, you are going to be in danger of strange crumbs in your bed. Now, once you climb into your bed, and you realize that there are foreign tiny things stuck to all of your parts, you question first:

1. Why do I have pets?

2. Why didn’t I made the bed?

3. What in the world is so tiny, yet feels so huge when touching my butt cheek?

4. Why is it so hard to get crumbs out of a bed anyway?

After I think about these things, shake the crumbs off of myself, sweep off the bed and then climb back in, I realize that I just wrote you a whole post, while naked, in the dark about crumbs and being naked and you probably read all of it.

Love YA!

Lady X

Creativity Defined as…….

My brain wants so much to write. I am however without the time to develop the things that my mind is quite content on writing. So instead all of my wonderful musings, which by the way were many when I was quite inebriated with pain killers after my surgery, are all long gone. I reach out with slick fingers to watch my ideas, my thoughts, my musings fall away like dead leaves in a breeze blowing away. Too far from my grasp. Too far to reach out and keep intact any fragment of information to share. 

The wind blows them far from me, I stand there the wind at my back, my hair blowing. Vacant eyes just watching as I lose those precious ideas. Those brilliant and comical, dramatic and poetic and romantically thoughts. The naughty and the nice. All taken from me. Torn from my arms like a child taken away from their mother too soon. Torn from me like a small piece of my soul that should it ever return I would not recognize if for being what it was, a little piece of me.

To the dearly departed ideas, moments, artistic thoughts and wonders. I bit you a fond and love filled farewell. I pray that you return to me someday. Find your way back to me and I promise I will give you the credit and love and creativity you crave and that my passionate heart truly desires to give you.

With that I bid you adieu. 

Lady X