A Weekend Off

I can’t remember the last time I had two days off in a row. I haven’t had it happen in so long that I want to smash everything I can think of in the two days I have.

I also never have the same days off as Joseph. That being said, we stayed up till 3am watching anime and eating whataburger before passing out. Today will be filled with nuggets of awesome.  We have movie plans, (can’t remember the last time I went to the movies), dinner out, (can’t remember when I got to do that last either, paper bags don’t count).

The funny thing is that I would trade this awesome day of alone time that I love to have a day with him and the girls. Just because my ex is currently in possession of them and poisoning them with lies and awful to make them mad at me. I believe I have reached my maximum limit on crap received already for the new year. I think an attorney is in order. I hate leaving them now. He hadnt had them for but a few hours when he freaked out over my hour year old saying she hated him. I joke with my brother and sister all the time about hating them. So when he was upset about it I even said within three  texts of him getting upset and hurt about a 4 year old saying I hate you, I conceded. I said I wouldn’t use that word anymore so that she wouldn’t either. It turned into a long drawn out fight and I fell for it. There was no reason for it. Because when he was done getting some negative attention from me (which I guess is better than none) he said practically the same thing I did with watching what I say in front of her, and said the conversation was over.

He just wanted to fight and bully me. Then he felt like he won when I already had said that I wouldn’t do it anymore.

I have to not fall into those traps anymore.

As for my weekend. Here is to not letting the exes control happiness people. I realize my choices led me to have an ex husband. But in order to have my girls, I would make the same mistakes. Date the wrong man, move in with the wrong man, spend 4 years dating the wrong man, marry the wrong man, spend 9 years married to a man who controlled and emotionally and sexually abused me, leave the man and find myself (I was lost for a long time), get a divorce and find happiness. Even the girls are happy. The occasional drama is gonna be found. But I am confident that God will lend a hand. Heal the hurting and help others move on. He healed me up, found me broken and helped me see that being poor and a single mom was every bit better than being a middle class wife with no love, no friends, no life.

 

Some things are hard lessons, and sometimes the lessons keep on teaching you because you have an ex husband. But he serves as a reminder to always be myself, never let anyone control me, and to always love abundantly.

Life is lived only once, I want to know I did right by the only one I have.

All my love,

Lady X

 

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