Fleetwood Mac – Never Going Back Again
She broke down and let me in
Made me see where I’ve been
Been down one time
Been down two times
I’m never going back again
You don’t know what it means to win
Come down and see me again
Been down one time
Been down two times
I’m never going back again
LOVE THIS SONG
I am sitting in bed, done with work for the day, fed full of grilled cheese, and watching my happiness sit before me. Sometimes I require very little attention. It isn’t often since I require so much of it. But when it does it for is for this reason. I am typing this on a gifted laptop. Given to me by one of my favorite customers and my personal photographer Howard. He gave it to me for the girls. They know its theirs, I get to use it till I get my own is purchased here shortly once tax time arrives in approx a week for me.
That isn’t my bliss continued.
My ability to be ignored, and happily so, comes from watching Joseph and the girls interact on minecraft. The last time they played, they played for 4 hours. He had a great time with them and vice versa. I am happy to watch them play and happy to let this be the reason no one is paying any attention to me.
It isn’t entirely quiet, and I am not at a 100% seeing how I ate some wonderful lobster bisque last night and proved I seem to have a new shell fish allergy. But I am happy. Happier than I have been ever. Despite my rocky holidays, I am happy that I can have this little moment. I consider these moments to be the most important.
Just plain happy.
It is amazing how once the holidays re over my ex husband leaves me alone. He did his best to ruin Christmas. Threatened, forged a hug on me, told the kids I ruined our family, told them we could get back together. All sorts of nasty. Kept my youngest out till 10:15p on Christmas Eve. But despite the drama I managed to get through it, depressing As Christmas was for mex my life improved on by the holidays being over. He has no power over me. And less on his girls than he thinks. After he spent his past weekend trying to make the kids hate me and joe I watched in awe as joe played minecraft on the Xbox with Faith and Aimee for four hours. Loving every minute. He has endless patience. And he bragged at work about the fun he had with the girls and then tested me to tell me he loved it. I am in heaven and happy as a clam. my ex is thwarted at every turn trying to burn me. It isn’t going to work any more.
he still hasn’t figured out that the power he had is gone. I may still be afraid of him in the physical sense, that he may lash out and hurt me and the girls. I will not ever let him hurt me again.
I may need an attorney in the new year, I think his scare tactics need to end.
I prefer to spend my time ignoring his existence till I have to deal with it. The girls love me and Joe, despite the exes efforts to change it.
they will learn about him in their own.
Love big people, and be honest. Lying sucks and bites you later.
love lady x
The most meaningful moments happen in the quietest moments.
Time is so fast. The year is almost over.I really can’t believe it. My middle daughter is going to be 7 years old tomorrow. I celebrate 10 months with Joseph tomorrow too. And dealing with my ex this week has been emotionally exhausting.
So what is this post about you ask? Well I will tell you and be for-warned its about to get mushy.
One day last week when Joe got home after his closing shift he crawled into bed and I always roll over and snuggle up to his back. I put my hand on his heart and he puts his hand on my hip and we go to sleep. We snuggled up in the usual wayand minutes later Sarah starts to stir. So I roll over and latch her on, so now we are back to back. which is fine too. So he puts his hand back on my hip and I put mine there and we interlock fingers and I just lay there. Happy.
Well here is where the moment becomes meaningful and stupid mushy.
I woke up hours later, same position. Fingers still laced with his. When I realized that we had just laid there, peacfully sleeping hands held together for hours I just smiled. I was just happy for this quiet moment to have spent in peace, in slumber, laying next to my love.
It’s meaningful to me because I never had that kind of closeness. Being held to fall asleep and then roll away is common and I am not knocking it since most occasions will call for that. It meant a lot to me because when we started dating it was always hard for him to stay, he wanted to be in his bed. Lots of room. Now he sleeps tucked next to me, tightly interlocked as to not let me stray too far.
And that means the world to me.
Love big, Merry Christmas people.
All my love always,
This week has been rough. Seriously testing my limits to what I can stand as far as how many pets I can lose at once. My dearest yorkie Gracie had to be put down after childbirth gone wrong. Leaving us sad and the new parents of her orphan puppy we named Chance.
Luci, one of Gracie’s offspring also decided this week is good for having babies. Only she didn’t fare so well either and I started to worry that we might lose her. Today with the help of the vet we delivered her last dead puppy. Gracie had 3 puppies with one survivor and Luci had no living puppies. After the week I have had, the loss of 5 dogs, the near loss of my Luci I have felt wiped out. But now the evening perks up.
Luci is eating and drinking and she has taken to feeding Chance. We are gonna watch him real close but as of now he is nursing and she is taking care of him. At this moment I feel so blessed.
Another reason I feel blessed? Well it comes down to Joe. I didn’t have to do all of this alone. He was by my side as we tried to deliver Gracie’s puppies and he was there to take my brother to the vet when it was time to put her to sleep. He was there when it was time to feed her orphan puppy every 2 hours and help it go potty every time we fed it. He was there when Luci went in to labor and he held me while they delivered her last puppy in front of us at the vet office today. In ways I never knew I could I fall in love with this man over and over again. For new reasons. I love him in ways I didn’t know I was missing because he shows me all of the time that there are things I was always missing.
The moments that show me how amazing he is happen constantly and I am always in awe.
Last night, when I was falling back asleep after he got home he reminded me to set up the elf on the shelf for the girls so I wouldn’t forget.
Last mushy tidbit before I go finish dinner. Yesterday night at work, he told Sam that Faith keeps using the word Awkward even when it doesn’t really work, and it doesn’t make sense and that he thinks its super cute. My honey is telling stories about the kids to other people. I know that he loves my girls, and I know that he loves me.
He is my puzzle piece, my penguin, and I am truly grateful that me and my girls have him.
All my love,