Too Long

I have decided that time can be both too long and too short. And I don’t like either. My youngest will be 4 years old next Tuesday. I will be 32 this month. So many things. SO in this case time is too fast. Pushing me past my sane limits to process time, and how it affects me as I watch the childhood of my children race past my eyes at whiplash speeds.

In love thought time is to long and too short. Time with your love is too short. Never lasts long enough, always comes to a close to fast. But when apart it drags on like the longest time ever. (IN this you can say that my ability to cope with how little I see my Joe is irritating me this week. Le Sigh. I just want him with me all the time.

I also want my tiny person to quit growing so fast. My oldest to slow down, stop getting so old, and so smart and so grown.

My middle daughter helps me stay on top of things and she is just a bundle of super amazing love. I am blessed beyond measure. Loved beyond my ability to even grasp it with my mind by so many.

And today I have decided as I sit at my desk, awaiting the time I go get my older kiddoes, watching my littlest one play, and knowing how long till I see my Joe I realize that in this moment time is too long. I want all of my people together. But alas, I work all weekend, my ex gets the kids even though he doesn’t deserve it (thats a whole other post for when I have time to vent that) and my time with my sweetie will be shorter due to long shifts at the bucks. So what to do? Absorb my time with my daughters, let them soak me in their love and when time and homework allows my love to venture into the land of fantastic distraction absorb his love and attentions and soak it in. Just revel in it and let it rain on me. I love the feeling and I just want to feel it all the time. Me and my stingyness  leads me to want all of my loved ones all to myself and I have to realize that I can’t do that. The world, this life doesn’t allow for such selfishness.

 

So for today, I am loved, but from afar and I will wait for the time this afternoon for mini me love, and wait for this weekend for my love love. And I will be grateful for every moment and blessed that God has let me feel such amazing love in this amazing world of his.

 

Always,

Lady X

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