Today is Thursday. I only know that because I worked. I tend to forget what day it is when I’m not at work. For instance I didn’t know yesterday was Tuesday because I didn’t care. Monday night the kids went to dads and I was reunited with my Joe. I hadn’t seen him in near a week and a half. I have been worried sick. With only the phone to comfort me while I am unable to care for him.
Now when you don’t see your love for days seeing them is almost surreal. When he walked through my front door I was giddy, heart racing. He looked smaller. My poor honey had lost at least ten pounds. He hadn’t been eating much since his throat was so messed up from being so swollen. His voice was still scratchy. But damn was he a sight for sore eyes. I pulled him into my arms and he pulled me into his and I swear for a moment the world just stopped spinning. He just kept squeezing like he didn’t believe I was really there. I just held on. I swear sometimes I feel like I might fall off the earth it’s spinning me so fast. And I get caught up in that spin. It just makes me dizzy.
I looked up at that happy smiling face of his. Just giddy. I asked him how he was feeling, what he wanted to do, I kissed his face at least a dozen times while asking all of this. Just grateful to be this close to him.
I’m very intense. I honestly feel with every fiber, every atom. Every particle. I’m an artist. I can’t help it. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t this way.
Strangely though while this intense I’m also a bit detached from the more emotional side of life. I rarely cry unless it’s a movie. Things that should make me cry don’t. So when I cry it takes me by surprise. One day when Joe was sick he called me. We talked. The afterwards he sent me this:
Joe: I’m missing you something fierce right now babe.
I cried. A lot. For a while. I just don’t do that. I left my ex husband and i didnt shed a tear. But with Joe, I missed him so much I was aching inside. And he pulled it all out of me with that sentence.
So having back in my arms was like in the movies.
So we laid down, and we talked and we listened to music and we watched some comedy and a movie. And I just soaked him in. I needed it. So did he. We never had any measurable amount of space between us the time we were together till he went home on Tuesday evening. I have proof. I have pictures with my iPad. Cheesy moments. But I love them. I also have the account of an eye witness.
Wonder what my title to this post means? Well after we saw The Watch at movie theater we stopped to get him some gateraid from the gas station. I can’t remember what he said to me but I grabbed that face of his and kissed it silly. And the car next to us rather loudly:
Strange man: I came to get cigarettes, I didn’t know I’d get a show too.
I blushed and Joe laughed. And I kissed him again for good measure.
I’m a lost cause with him. Over the top, head over heels, in deep.
He’s my puzzle piece.
I tell him all the time.
I’m an awkward mess of mush and love. And of loads of other things As well. But my heart is happy.
My Joe is back at work today, feeling fatigued still but a little better everyday. He and I will see each other fewer and farther between now that our schedules are opposite and he will have school on the 27th.
I’m planning a fall getaway. I’m sure I’ll need the face time with him by the time it gets here.
Every second is worth it. Every moment is precious. And I’m grateful for each one. And if it happens, and he runs away scared since no doubt I’m a heavy bag to carry I will be more than glad I felt his love. Felt his touch, his kiss. Heard him read to me, and wrestle me. And maybe sometimes I am just gonna come here and mush over him so I have a record. I enjoy sharing this journey with you all. Ill take the good with the bad in this life. And I’ll share it here.
Because even a moment of good can erase a wealth of bad.
Be loved my friends,
I like it rough
This you know
You bite my neck
I kiss your throat
I push you down
Pined to the bed
Stronger than I look
Bad as it gets
You wink at me
I giggle, I smile
The all at once
I’m on the bottom of the pile
How did this happen?
What did you do?
Stronger than me
Not stronger than you
I let you win
I solemnly pout
And I wriggle
Trying to get out
I win because you want me to
You boast against my mouth
Im lost in love
Poured straight from your spout
Worth it for that moment just to hear you say
I love you.