Musical Ecstasy

The pathway to my soul. I always want it playing. The sound, the notes, the lyrics, reverberating through the bottom of my soul. Feel it powering my cells. Depending on the sound and the song and the meaning it can power me up, power me down, or drain me, lift me up, drag me down, make me cry, make me feel, make me love, it is a magical soup blend that fills me up no matter what. The music doesn’t always matter. Tonight it is Matchbox 20. Something about Rob Thomas and the songs from one of his first cds just speaks to me tonight. No one song imparticular. Just all over the map. But I love it. The sounds, the notes, running through all of me. Honestly there is something for me about music that is very sexual to a point.

Sometimes I just want to have the music running over me. I can’t help but move my body to the sound and it just makes me move, and depending on the music it could look sexual too. I need to have it in me, flowing around me, filling me up. It is very very deep and meaningful and empty and shallow all at the same time. It is hard to explain the way that music speaks to me. It’s spiritual, physical, sexual. It runs deep inside me, and my spirit. It’s as if it is part of me. It can be old music, new music, hip hop, regae, rap, country, oldies, rock and roll. It doesn’t even matter to me. I just need the music, the vibrations running over me, even in my sleep. I play the music now on my ipad next to my face practically just to feel the music pour over me in my sleep.

I need it, and it drives me crazy when I can’t hear it. I sneak my ipad into my drive thru spot so I can listen to it at work at night because the cafe music is either too hard to hear or it is all wrong for my mood. And mood matters too. See how terribly complicated this whole scenario is. I sometimes don’t even know what to do with myself. I want to think, and breath and live the beats in the songs.

Some songs are more important than others. Some speak to my on a higher level. Sometimes its the music, sometimes its the lyrics, sometimes its just the singer. I can’t explain it, and some songs mean so much to me and I still dont know why.

This week music has felt very sexual. Yes, I am sharing a lot but I just need to feel the words leave me. Sometimes I can think better once the letters and the phrases leave me. It’s primal this week. My feeings about music anyway. Sometimes it is more so than others. Tonight, very much. its been creeping up on me all day.

Busted – Matchbox

Forget when words were only words
She knows the party makes me nervous
In this stage we can’t get hurt
Don’t try to understand me

We’re too cool to be alone
But, not too crazy to get busted

I found out one life ain’t enough
I need another soul to feed on
I’m the flame I can’t get burnt
I’m wholly understated

I found silence in this space
An on and off again attraction
I need such amazing grace
Heaven sweep me away

Love don’t change, don’t come around here
Don’t wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don’t strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we’ve become, well
They’ve never been the people who we are

I strap on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new feel dirty

I don’t need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you
You can’t blame the heart you save
Giving something away

Love don’t change, don’t come around here
Don’t wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don’t strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we’ve become, well
They’ve never been the people who we are

I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
In my head I heard the sound
Like fifteen strangers dancing

But oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby
Oh how I wish you could own me

Love don’t change, don’t come around here
Don’t wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don’t strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we’ve become, well
They’ve never been the people who we are

THis song is rolling over me crazy. I just want to listen to it over and over. It is in fact the perfect song for me tonight in the midst of the crazy swirling musical ecstasy that is pounding in my ears. It is in fact crazy and wonderful and magical. I can’t even describe it. I felt this way once, it was with Dave Matthews song Shake Me Like A Monkey. So I have been here before. I am always alone when this magic happens, which I imagine is a good thing. I probably would hurt someone in the most awesome way if I was to find myself actually alone with someone.

I don’t know what spurs or starts this feeling and I imagine what drives it but it is powerful, and awesome. And I consider myself lucky to feel this way at all. Even if I am alone to dine on the musical foreplay that finds its way into my soul as it drives me to cry out and sing out louder and louder as the vibrations take over. The music is always there. Ever a presence in me, always wanting to be apart of me, and my moments. Desperate to be out, wanting to be seen by everyone. Look at me the music cries. See me for what I am and who I am. Look and me, love me, be with me, dance with me, kiss me, make love to me, sweat with me, pant with me, know me, own me, fall over the edge with me.

Damn I love this song. Its like the 8th time ive listened to it now. I need more!!!!

My soul is burning up, the notes, the guitar, the drums, the bass, pour over me, take me over, fill me up, burst from within me, deep inside me.

Music is a deep part of me, I feel it all of the time, it rules me sometimes, I feel it, no matter if I can hear it audibily, it is always there. The piano notes, the lyrics, the build up, the release, oh how I want you to know me, oh how I wish you could own me.

Sigh. It is so intense sometimes I don’t even know how to respond but to dive in, let it take me over, overtake my thoughts, burn me, take me, tear me down, build me up. It is far too much but I simply must have it!

I feel the guitar, it strums in a crazy tempo that finds all my deepest places. I need it, want it, can’t get enough of it. Heaven sweep me away.

I need a new feel dirty.

I just want to get inside you.

The tempo picks up its pace, I feel it, pounding, faster and faster, then slows to a pace that makes me crave it, faster faster faster. Please.

I dreamed that the world was crumbling and we sat on my back porch and watched it! Oh how I want you to know me….

It’s crazy intense and I want the release but the interesting thing about the music is there really never is a release, it is just a lull in the vibrations. Just a moment to partake in the amazing orgasmic feeling of a song filling me up, taking me over, and leaving me when it is finished.

Love don’t change, and don’t come around here.

I feel like I could in fact partake in this for hours, and I might, just depends. I think I will go home and play this till the endless loop fills me and I feel the lull.

Listen to the song btw, and let it fall on. It is amazing. And if you don’t feel it, well not everyone is like me.
Never and yet always yours,
Lady X

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