Creative Rush

Last night as I was laying in bed, nursing the toddler and unable to type a thing based on her position I sat with an inability to create anything. I found that my mind was then bombarded with so many things that I could write at once that I just didn’t even know what to do with myself. It was a snippet here and a snippet there. Just enough to make me wish that I could explore that more and then poof off to the next thing. I felt like I was in a little boat, with no sail to push me forward, no oars to move me past my spot but stuck in a sea of ideas with no current pulling me in any direction. Just sitting afloat unable to really do anything with all of the water all around me. Just set adrift my my imagination only to watch it all fade to black as sleep finally consumed me at about midnight.

There is something terrible about being a writer I think. Amongst my many creative avenues I think the one that gives me the most grief is my writing. I find myself thinking things, wonderful, creative things only to have them be taken away from me and my inability to get them down where I can think of them later. Notes help but sometimes I just can’t write myself a note. I feel like I lose so much with these exchanges. When my brain flies into full creative mode and I am overwhelmed by all this information and I have no idea what to do with it.

Poetry in this respect is the worst, if I think of something amazing and I can’t write it, it is essentially lost forever. Never to be thought of again. I feel a sense of loss and mourning for these thoughts and ideas. As if they were my own little children and they were never given the chance to see the light of day. Just a thought then gone, a tiny creative death, a little creative idea funeral, and then the grieving process can begin. That sounds very melodramatic but that is what I was going for so I am not going to give up on it.

As for last night and my overwhelming need to create, it needs its own memorial service. I started three different posts, none of which got even close to finished and may never ever get to be done. I know this much, if I leave it there long enough I think that I may be able to get to it someday.

Maybe, maybe not.

All my love Always,
Lady X

I haven’t posted a song or a definition to my post in some time. I think that tomorrow I shall bring that back as it was always a way to inspire more thought from me. For now I shall post random lyrics from a band that I just learned about and love, very melancholy music for my soul. Random song with no meaning below.

On My Way Home – Rumer

Full of sorrow, I must’ve followed you here
Stood at the gates of Heaven, I watched you disappear
Now I hear you say
“It’s time to walk away”
But how can I when I don’t know my way home from here?

Out of nowhere, I’m on the side of the road
I must’ve cut my heart out
I must’ve sold my soul
As I turn my weary head toward the desert sky
As your last light faded from you
And I knew I was lost

I was on my way, on my way
On my way home
I was on my way, on my way
On my way home

When I was hiding from the storms, you heard me calling out
Where were you?
With every demon on the road, you had me crying out
Where were you?
You know I’ve searched the stars
I don’t know where you are

Oh, on my way, on my way
On my way home
Oh, on my way, on my way
On my way home

When I wake up, I see a fire red sky
And I get my down on my knees and praise in disbelief
As this beauty lay before my eyes
And it feels so strong
And it feels so ????

Oh, my God; oh, my God
I am yours
Oh, my God; oh, my God
I am yours

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