Changes

An interesting thing happened to me today. I felt the urge to call Dick. If you have read back far enough you know the entire story of what happened with him, and if not you should. If for no other reason than I wrote some good girl porn in it.

Anyways, I called him on the phone so I could check on him. He is after all still one of my very best friends. He told me that he had been looking for me for weeks. His wedding is finally set for August, and he is expecting a baby in July. I was very happy to hear this. He has had a rough go of it and I am glad to know that he is well and even though I am jealous that he gets to have a baby, especially after my post about growing up, I am glad to know that he is moving forward.

I found it so interesting that all of a sudden yesterday I thought about him, and then today I call him and he had been looking for me. While this doesn’t mean much to others, he and I have always been connected in our friendship and while he and I briefly considered more than a friendship thing, distance and his new love and soon to be wife, prevented that.

I am not regretful of the way things between he and I went, and I do not regret that summer at all. I learned a lot, about myself, about my relationships, about life. I learned to love again, I learned to feel again, I learned that I can be me and still be loved. That I didn’t have to be anybody else or try to change me to fit the mold others had made for me. I could just be me, crazy and tattooed, pierced and dark, and still be loved, still be sexy, and still be creative and not sacrifice any of that for someone else. I will never change myself to be something I am not for anyone ever again. It was a hard lesson to learn, I lost a lot of time in this life pretending for others instead of just being me for me. If Jesus loves me just the way I am and requires nothing but my love in return than why wouldn’t someone who truly loves me need me to be anything more than who and what I am.

Beautiful, creative, generous, joyful, sexy, magical, wonderful, dramatic, melancholy, amazing, a mother, a child of God, a woman, and a friend.

I love being me, and as the blog name says it all, I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.

My love always,
Lady X

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