Music – noun
1. an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color.
2. the tones or sounds employed, occurring in single line (melody) or multiple lines (harmony), and sounded or to be sounded by one or more voices or instruments, or both.
3. musical work or compositions for singing or playing.
4. the written or printed score of a musical composition.
5. such scores collectively.
6. any sweet, pleasing, or harmonious sounds or sound: the music of the waves.
7. appreciation of or responsiveness to musical sounds or harmonies: Music was in his very soul.

I am going to take number seven as my definition for today. Sometimes music truly is in my very soul. I feel it in my bones sometimes. Aching to be heard. I listen to lots of different kinds of music. Working at Starbucks has really made me realize how many amazing kinds of music I can listen to.

There is another problem with music and me though. I connect with the music, the lyrics and they (as they should) illicit an emotional response. A response that I am not always willing or able to control. It can result in sadness. Some songs cause me to stop what I am doing all together. Like a cold water shock to my system and then a flood of memories or feelings and I am helpless to control where my mind and heart will go. Most of the time these feelings are the ones I want to avoid. So I usually try not to listen to those songs. Sometimes I will do the emotional gluttony thing, but it is rare. Today is an emotional gluttony day. I just want to listen to all of those songs and feel the evocation of those emotions flood over me and embrace it today. Luckily I have things to do so the gluttony can only last so long. It will be a short lived melancholy morning filled with some of the most amazing music that I do truly love, but the need to feel is wash over me and to let me relive all those moments that I lock away.

Music is amazing. It truly is. No culture is without it, and we all need it in some way or another. We find ourselves singing or humming or even whistling when the quiet overtakes us and we can’t bear the silence. When we need to connect to something and we have limited options.

What brings on the conversation of music today? Well I am so glad you asked. I took my iPod to the “Genius bar” at Apple yesterday because my Home button hated me and didn’t think it was necessary for it to work for me consistently. And since the one thing that Apple manages to do right is warranty their stuff I came home with a new one that was empty and music-less. Which is how I felt holding an iPod that was bereft of music. So I spent my lazy afternoon caring for it, searching through my archives for music to fill it to the brimming. Since it holds 64gig I am thinking that I must do more music research since I have 20gig to still fill. And comedy on my iPod just sounds stupid since it doesn’t speak to my soul and my funny bone is not nearly as important to me.

So after the perilous time of adding tunes I end up with 5830 songs on my iPod and I am thinking. Gosh, that just doesn’t seem like enough amazing music to fill my world with happiness. So as I add more, and go through the old stuff looking to make sure that I don’t have something that I DON’T want to listen to on there, (and of course you know I am playing music this whole time through iTunes cause that just makes good sense) and of course the iTunes library finds itself on a song that pulls me back in time. Sigh how time runs by me fleeing from me like a guilty lover. I take a moment (as about this time I am usually hitting the next button (and please don’t ask why I even have this stuff in my music library, it still speaks to me even though it is emotional so it needs to be there. Duh) and I decide not too. I let the music wash over me, and I feel the past fill me up, and as the melancholy loss of time washes over me I think, sigh, that wasn’t so bad. So I choose another, and another. And then I find myself scouring my library for more. Like a thirsty frantic desert wanderer. And while the evocation of such emotions does leave one tired and very very distracted it was brilliant and sad and wonderful and depressing and amazing all at the same time. And that is also very draining. So while I bask in it lightly this morning, listening to these songs less frequently and pairing it with music that is fun or upbeat or even just something that soothes my inner savage beast I take a moment to thank GOD that I am so in tune with my music. He gave us the music, he wanted us to sing, and sing I will.

All my love always,
Lady X

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know
Or seem to care what your heart is for
Well I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s fine I’m torn

I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I’m wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late
I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune teller’s right
I should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now I don’t care
I have no luck
I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things
That I can’t touch I’m torn

I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I’m wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late
I’m already torn

Torn

hoooooooooo hoohooooooo oooooooo

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s right I’m torn

I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I’m wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn

I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late
I’m already torn

Torn
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Hoh

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