Work – noun
1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. productive or operative activity.
4. employment, as in some form of industry, especially as a means of earning one’s livelihood: to look for work.
5. one’s place of employment: Don’t phone him at work.
6. materials, things, etc., on which one is working or is to work.
7. the result of exertion, labor, or activity; a deed or performance.
8. a product of exertion, labor, or activity: musical works.
9. an engineering structure, as a building or bridge.
10. a building, wall, trench, or the like, constructed or made as a means of fortification.
11. works,
a. ( used with a singular or plural verb ) a place or establishment for manufacturing (often used in combination): ironworks.
b. the working parts of a machine: the works of a watch.
c. Theology . righteous deeds.
12. Physics . force times the distance through which it acts; specifically, the transference of energy equal to the product of the component of a force that acts in the direction of the motion of the point of application of the force and the distance through which the point of application moves.
13. the works, Informal .
a. everything; all related items or matters: a hamburger with the works.
b. harsh or cruel treatment: to give someone the works.

Have you missed me blog readers? I doubt it. But here is a post since it has been sometime since I wrote anything at all.

Lots has happened since the last time I posted. The evil W has decided to leave us alone while she tries to figure out how to deal with her crazy. That is nice. It is much quieter which gives my brain more time to think about how lucky I am to have Carlos, and how lucky I am the the girls are in such good health. At the mention of good health, it brings me to my tiny psycho. (That is her nickname, and it is lovingly given to her as she is in fact just a smaller version of me) She fell and broke her arm a few weeks ago. This is proof that 2 year olds and tall dining room chairs don’t mix well. It is also proof that when your child is crying in pain, you want the hospital staff to pump them full or morphine because while your hurt child sleeps, you can feel slightly less helpless because they are resting a little from what can only be described as a traumatic event. Now since she is two she won’t remember, but I will. And it was traumatic for me too.

So of course the Tiny Psycho decided to break her arm the night I got my gold belt in Tae Kwon Do. Also the second week starting my new job at THE coffeehouse. If you don’t know which one then you don’t get out much. It was a crazy night. And I was glad when it was over and we were home. She is doing great though. She is one tough cookie. Just like her mommy. See, I told you she was like me.

Moving onto other things that have happened. I have started working at THE coffeehouse. It is crazy, and fast paced and full of people all the time. I am not sure if I have mentioned it, but I hate people. Not individuals, just people in general. When you get enough of them together it becomes chaos. It is crazy and I just really hate it. I prefer to hide in a cave of blissful ignorance. I am not too interested in what goes on in the outside world so I am happy to keep to myself. I know lots of people would say that is terrible but there is so much evil and crap in the world that I would just like to not let every single bit of it into my home. I prefer to keep some things a little less tainted. Just a personal preference is all. The job is getting better. It is a slow process. I am not used to 8 hours on my feet, nor have I ever worked in the food industry. So all the spoiled people that come into THE coffeehouse are of course, making me crazy. But it is a process. And I will learn. Enough on that subject…

The best thing currently is that tonight I am spending a few stress free moments blogging before I run off to sleep and snuggle up with the cutest little snugglers around. My sweet babies that I miss terribly as I work like crazy to take care of them. Being a single mom is hard. But it is better than the emotionally crazy alternative, and I like seeing the girls happy and doing better. I miss them so much. But to take care of them I have to spend some time away. Hopefully the more I work at THE coffeehouse, the better the hours will get and the more stable things will be for the girls. I want things to be better for them for sure. That is why I do this. So they can have a better time of it and hopefully if I am worrying less I can focus more on spending better time with them too. It is a circle of goodness I hope. I want to do all that I can to help them understand that I hate being away from them, but that I want them to not to have to be poor. Not that being poor is terrible. I was poor and I think it was good for me. I think that seeing us be a little more frugal will be good for them. In the meantime it takes time to learn and being in a smaller tax bracket is hard for me too. I hate not going and buying whatever I want all the time. Dammit but I am such a snob!

And for the topic of supreme mush. Carlos. Sigh, the things that I could type for him. He makes my day brighter. I honestly didn’t know I could love someone this way. (of a non mother type love btw, I love the girls, and they make my life infinitely better on every level but I just didn’t know I could love someone who wasn’t my flesh and blood this way)

Knowing he thinks of me, that he misses me, that he loves me, that he wants me, these things make me secure in my love for him, miss him and love him all the more. It is an amazing circle. And I love that my love and his love is a circle. Never ending. It seems to go on and on and on. No matter what. We have had 7 amazing months and we are on month 8. No things aren’t perfect. No doubt if you have read any of this you know it isn’t perfect at all. But we made it through the icky stuff and we are tougher and stronger. I know I am.

I know one thing, and I want Carlos to know it too. I know that when we first started talking, and dating, I knew that I was here for him. GOD wanted me to help him. To bring him back to the faith he once had. To help him find a way to be on his own, away from his X, and to grow and thrive without all the stress and drama of the second husband roll. But what I didn’t know at the time was that he was here to teach me something too. He was here to help me learn how to love again and for real. To love without bounds, to love without an escape route, or a net to catch you. To love without holding onto the rails, and keeping it safe. I am in serious emotional and heart danger with him. He could hurt me, and he could break me because I have let go and given my heart over to loving him completely. The wonderful thing about this danger? I am not afraid at all. He gives me a sense of security I can’t describe. I have no worries that he has my heart and that he will care for it above his own. That my readers, is a love I can’t describe and one I pray I never have to live without.

The other amazing thing? I know that he has given me all of his heart, without reservation and that he trusts me completely. It is a perfect and wonderful love when you can let go and just love someone the way you want to. I can’t describe the feeling and I can’t tell you how to find something like this. All I know, is that I pray that GOD lets me keep Carlos forever. I can’t imagine life without this kind of love. And I pray I never have to find out what it feels like to go back to what I had before this love.

Sigh.

Well now that I have mushed it up, me and my medicated tooshy is going to go to sleep. I am so tired and I want to get my lazy rear up for church in the morning so off to sleep I go.

I pray that GOD sends you amazing love. I just want everyone to feel this complete. To feel the love of my girls, and how that overflows my heart, and then to have the outpouring of the love of a man for a woman. It completes me and fills me more to overflowing. I need buckets and buckets x infinity to hold the love that I have. And that doesn’t count the amazing support and love of my mom, brother and sister. I am blessed and even in my stress with my new job, I feel abundantly blessed. Thank you Lord for your blessings, I am in awe and I rejoice that you are so amazing, and that you are so amazing to me.

Always,
Lady X

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