Sleep

Sleep –verb (used without object)
1. to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease being awake.
2. Botany . to assume, especially at night, a state similar to the sleep of animals, marked by closing of petals, leaves, etc.
3. to be dormant, quiescent, or inactive, as faculties.

Sleep is something that I wish I didn’t like so much. The act of even just resting and entering a state of relaxed stress free happiness is wonderful. It is also very deceptive. Since my imagination is a superior thing when it comes to creating story like places, and I have been doing it for so long (started as a kid) it is an escape for me. Now I don’t imagine things much different than they are now when I escape. They are more romantical (I am pretty hopeless in this respect) and of course good always wins and evil always pays for the wrongs they have done. My kids are there of course. And they grow up to be beautiful, wonderful, well rounded individuals that aren’t spending the rest of their lives paying for my mistakes. The problem with sleep? Well I rarely feel rested, and once it is done and the day begins I find that I sometimes long to return to this dream like state where I can control things. Yet another moment of mine spent in the realm of disillusionment. I have talked before about how control is a myth, an illusion we try to set up for ourselves to make us feel more stable in this chaotic world. Sometimes when I actually sleep I will dream lucid dreams.

Knowing your dreaming is one thing. Taking over and functioning in it is another. While these lucid dreams are few and far between I realize that dreaming is an escape of sorts. Now it isn’t much of an escape if I am being chased by zombies and this does on occasion happen. But it is usually easy for me to wake myself up and then it is time for late night cookies and milk. I usually still find myself back in Zombie Land as it were, but I usually feel more equiped to handle it after cookies.

I actually prefer to remain mostly awake for my time of quiet fantasy. I am sure it is a terrible thing to want to spend time involved in ones imagination but I think that it helps keep me so young, and I certainly can understand the crazy games the kids play better. So something good is coming from it.

What is worse than having such an active imagination is that it is actually hard for me to pen it and have it come out the way I want it to. I had the hardest time writing when I was younger and the problem has persisted with me even now. The amazing stories and wonder contained inside my brain, just begging to get out and yet it is restrained by my inability to get it down here and share it. Sigh.

Tonight my brain is extra full. A wonderful story has been engraved on my brain, it has only a beginning, and some flesh in the middle but no end. I can never seem to give my stories the ending that they deserve. It could be that I am unable to write something terribly mushy in a way that won’t make people want to vomit, and I am totally incapable of writing something where the ending makes you want to hang yourself in the shower. I prefer everything to end happy. It is the fact that this is how my brain thinks, and how my heart wants things to work that it fights with my intellect that I know that it is a rare strange occurrence if something were to actually be happy. So what do I do? Well tonight I am going to attempt the journey that I started in my head this morning. I am going to try to write with every ounce of my soul and my heart. Get it all out, and then for your viewing pleasure I am even going to post it here. I find I rather like sharing my bits of imagination with all of you. It is a little piece of me, out in the world and while it probably makes little difference I like to think that somewhere there is someone that is reading this and perhaps even enjoying it. I now run off to dream land as midnight approaches.

Sleepy but hopeful (always yours),
Lady X

Who needs sleep – Barenaked Ladies

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she’s three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I’ve done
Another sleepless night’s begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

There’s so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I’ve never found
With all life has to offer,
there’s so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can’t avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Hala Hala Hala

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

[Repeat]

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