Omission

Omission –noun
1. the act of omitting.
2. the state of being omitted.
3. something left out, not done, or neglected: an important omission in a report.

I cannot lie. I just really can’t. It is one of those things that I just totally suck at. If someone asks me a direct question I am 90% most likey to tell the truth. No matter how much trouble it will get me into. Last year in April when Bob asked me who I was talking to so much since the T-mobile guy hat ratted me out about Dick I could have lied. If I were able to. But since I am not I totally spilled the beans. And then hence my emotional summer.

Now omission. I can do that. Omitting information (leaving out certain details) I can do that. I can do it to your face, I can do it on the phone, it is easy for me. The problem is that I have come to the conclusion that omitting certain information becomes just a trickier form of lying. Because you still have to keep track of information that you haven’t shared. Now don’t get me wrong. It is totally easier to keep track of info you left out. Since there is a good possibility that you won’t change your mind about someone knowing something you left out you should remember who was omitted what and when. Now, when it comes to omission (while I don’t condone it) I can say that if you are going to omit important information then make sure you omit it to everyone. My “summer omissions” were not just omitted to the person who was called my husband. I didn’t tell anyone. I left out my family, friends, and even my closest friend was one of the last people to know about it when it did finally come out. So I can say that omitting things can be easy just make sure that you don’t tell anyone. Better that way.

Now with all that said I find that omitting information is just as bad and almost worse than lying. Here is why. My method of not telling anyone kinda blows up in my face when the information comes out and it becomes a tell everyone about the badness. Then you have to decide how deep are you in, and how much are you going to share. Are you going to share some, and omit some? It is an interesting game, and eventually my blogger friends it always comes out. No matter what. It may be days, months, or years, but most likely it will come out. And it is a terrible tragedy when it does. Because if you did it to prevent others from being hurt guess what? Well now not only have you hurt people, but they know you lied. Even if it was a lie of omission. And it still hurts, and they don’t care about your reasons, or your motives (no matter how virtuous and good they may have been). When it comes right down to it, people will say that they would rather be hurt than have you delay the pain. Since they are gonna get hurt no matter what why not just lay it on them right? Just makes more sense.

Well now in that regard I disagree. Sometimes delaying hurting someone with omission (not straight out lying cause I hate that) But just leaving out certain facts, this may actually be better. Sometimes people aren’t in a good state of mind to absorb the particulars of something and maybe it will be better if they hear it later. You can explain your motives (provided they aren’t entirely selfish) and you may actually be able to get people to understand why you did it. I promise that sometimes Omission has its place. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Now what is this whole tireless post of unending advice about lying and omission? Well since I lived the lies of omission thing last summer, and still upon occasion choose to leave certain information out based on my need to not hurt others (I really hate hurting people) I am going to say that this post is about using omission properly with good and loving intentions. Rather than the selfish ones most people use them for. Last summer my intentions were not to hurt anyone with my relationship with Dick so I omitted that he and I were talking, I left out information about my trip that never got to happen when I was going to go see him and then attend a wedding for my brother. When I was found out I fessed up. And it took a while, not just because there was a lot of information. But because I had to tell lots of people about it since I had kept it solely to myself.

I will say that my intentions last summer weren’t all of a loving and non hurtful nature. I wanted to keep my secret because I was happy, and I didn’t want anyone to mess with my happy. It had been so long since I had felt happy that I just wanted to hold onto it as long as I could. Since that happiness was not meant to be, and I have new and better happiness I see that GOD works inmysterious ways. If I wait long enough he will show me where to go.

Sending my love and my thoughts to all of you,
Lady X

Little Lies – Fleetwood Mac

If I could turn the page
In time then I’d rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes

But I couldn’t find a way
So I’ll settle for one day to belive in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet, little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies

Although I’m not making plans
I hope that you understand there’s a reason why
Close your, close your, close your eyes

No more broken hearts
We’re better off apart, let’s give it a try
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet, little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies

[Instrumental]

If I could turn the page
In time then I’d rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes

But I couldn’t find a way
So I’ll settle for one day to belive in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me, tell me lies)
FADES OUT

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Distrust

Distrust –verb (used with object)
1. to regard with doubt or suspicion; have no trust in.

Trust –noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone’s trust.
8. something committed or entrusted to one’s care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.

Trust is a human issue that we can all say we have had trouble with at some point. The actual thought of trust and distrust is something that we can be bothered with daily. It is not hard to find yourself distrusting others. I however being one of the most loyal people around did not appreciate being untrusted in my marriage. Now I know that last summer started a whole slew of things that could make me look less loyal and less trustworthy. But I was called a whore, and a cheater, and someone who was not trustworthy years before I deserved it. I can say that it is possible, however, that I felt less guilty for being less trustworthy last summer when I had already been told I wasn’t trustworthy anyway.

Now where am I going with this you might ask? Well I want to examine these two words and the fact that distrust has a tiny definition because it is just that easy to define. Suspicion is a great word. The act of suspecting. Suspecting means you actual just think something is going on. Suspicion is thinking before knowing that something is wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure if you find something wrong then it was brilliant that you were suspicious. But what if nothing was wrong? What if you thought something was going on, and it turned out that there was nothing. Are you relieved, or have you tainted yourself by thinking suspiciously in the first place. And now you will look at everything as if something shady was going on.

I know that occasionally my intuition starts humming and I am waiting for the mack truck of life to slam into me and leave me and my organs as road paint, but I spend a lot of effort and a great deal of my will power fighting the urge to be suspicious of others. It is a dirty road, and I feel like the second that you walk down it you are stuck on it for years before you get over thinking that everything is somehow some strange master plan against you of which everyone around you is in cahoots!

Who wants to feel paranoid all the time?!?!?!?

I sure don’t. Now don’t get me wrong This doesn’t mean that I run around blindly trusting everyone that I come across. I just give a measure more than most people, and usually they do the same for me. I prefer not to be suspicious because it creates that paranoid feeling that stuff is going on when there is an altogether likelihood that nothing at all is going on. So I take the time to evaluate myself when I begin to feel paranoid. My intuition is actually pretty spot on, so rarely do I feel worried without cause. I can say that most of the time I wish I was ignorant. Ignorance is bliss when you don’t have to stress over a feeling of dread that has a good chance of being spot on. Now having intuition does provide me with one thing. I am usually good about reading people. This means that my more than usual measure of trust is rarely wrong so I rarely pay the price for bad trusting decisions. It does happen that I am wrong, but I usually have some warning so at least I am not totally taken by surprise. (Not that my nifty intuition helps you at all. Just sayin…)

Now all that being said, I want you to take a moment and evaluate your current state of trust. Especially with those you should trust. Is it really worth the drama and the pain you cause yourself to worry needlessly? And if you feel justified in your worry than do something about it. Don’t sit and dwell. Figure out if it is worth all the drama in the first place. One last thing before me and my soap box go off to bed. Remember that if you are going to accuse someone of “assumed” drama, be sure it is worth it. If you are wrong you are going to hurt someone. It hurts when your accused of something that you didn’t do. So remember that before you run off on a tangent and start freaking over suspicions and distrust issues that may be false and all your own. Hurting someone needs to be worth it, and most of the time, it isn’t.

Love someone today. It is so totally what GOD would want you to do with your day.

With all my love always,
Lady X

Somebody’s Watching Me – Rockwell

I always feel
I always feel
I always feel

I’m just an average man
With an average life
I work from 9 to 5
Hey well I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
I’m in the twilight zone and

I always feel like
Somebody’s watchin’ me
And I have no privacy
Oh, I always feel like

Somebody’s watching me
Tell me is it just a dream

I always feel
I always feel
I always feel

I always feel like
Somebody’s watching me
And I have no privacy
I always feel like
Somebody’s watchin’ me
Tell me is it just a dream

V I C T O R Y

Victory –noun, plural -ries.
1. a success or triumph over an enemy in battle or war.
2. an engagement ending in such triumph: American victories in the Pacific were won at great cost.
3. the ultimate and decisive superiority in any battle or contest: The new vaccine effected a victory over poliomyelitis.
4. a success or superior position achieved against any opponent, opposition, difficulty, etc.: a moral victory.
5. ( initial capital letter ) the ancient Roman goddess Victoria, often represented in statues or on coins as the personification of victory.

When going into battle there are only two ways that it can end. You are either victorious or you fail. In this life we will have both. Victories and Epic failures. I like to think that if we try hard we can say that our victories out weigh the failures. But I know this to be untrue. We are a flawed race. Filled with drama and sin. We can’t do very much with messing it up. I have messed up loads. I however have an amazing talent that helps me learn. It is the ability to say I am sorry. Not a lot of people can admit they were wrong, and even if they go as far as to say they made a mistake, saying sorry is almost always too damn hard. Saying sorry is an amazing thing. First off, if you mean it, you feel great afterwards. I always feel better after saying sorry. I also realize that not everyone is going to accept my apologies. So since they don’t always accept it I have to remember that GOD sees my genuine apology and he forgives me. That in itself is all I need. No one’s opinion matters to be but his. People are flawed. Every damn one of us. Why would I look for validation from people who are flawed? It is positively stupid to think that someone who is far from perfect could ever validate me the way GOD can.

So what is all of this talk of victory. Well stress levels have been high this week. The Evil W has been hurling her insults through Carlos all week. Just the other day I was his whore, and I should find myself on a street corner where I belong. I really have held my tongue, not hurled anything back the entire time I have been threatened and insulted, and being driven crazy. Now, today is my day for victory. I have been praying for peace. I try hard to never pray for stuff. Just concepts, good health, peace, love, stuff like that. Then if a peaceful day comes along it is an answered prayer. Be grateful for the little things my friend. Today was finally confrontation day. I told myself that I had enough of being called bad names that weren’t true. I will not be bullied any more. So interestingly enough telling myself, GOD and Carlos that I was going to arrange a meeting so I could get all this crap out in the open was all GOD needed to hear. Maybe he thought I was finally ready to deal with it. So after Carlos and her have it out, she sends me a text that says we need to talk. Then she calls. I ignore her. Not quite ready. I listen to her voicemail and she says that she wants to talk to me from her perspective. I text her and say that I don’t want to fight. It is true. I really hate fighting and I do it poorly. No matter how right I am I can lose a fight (that isn’t based on physical endurance and strenght mind you) and I will find myself depressed and sad that I could so badly be kicked and not be able to fight back. So when W called me I was worried. And GOD was with me. She started to see if she could talk about how bad I was being, all my flaws. My failure as a friend. I would not have it. I was a great friend, as well as wife, and confidant as well. Since she was going to start this way then lets air our friendship dirty laundry. She said no one was there for her when she wanted to leave Carlos, and when she got pregnant and it wasn’t his, and I told her that wasn’t true. I stood by her despite how I thought it was wrong. I held my tongue and supported her in all her decisions. And then when my life got hairy and I needed her it was too much and she abandoned me. She was speechless.

We talked for over an hour. And I counceled her the way I do Carlos when he is being a little less than the smart man he is and needs to be told to knock it off. I was honest, and I was intelligent and GOD was with me, and he helped my words come out the way that he wanted them.

She apologized to me, for the evil things she said. She said she didn’t want to fight anymore. (fighting alone is boring anyway since I refuse to fight back) So while I have no idea how long this will last, I know one thing. Today GOD has given me peace and victory over something that has troubled me for months. I feel lighter, and better and happy for this moment that I am not having emotional warfare grenades launched in my direction. I pointed no fingers, I didn’t judge and above all I said everything with LOVE. And you know what, I think that GOD was proud of me. And for the briefest moment, I am going to be proud of me too. I actaully lasted the battle and I won it with love instead of fighting back with the same hate.

Isn’t GOD grand!
Always yours,
Lady X

Victory – Yolanda Adams

[Chorus]
I’ve got, got the victory
I’ve got the sweet sweet victory in Jesus.
Yes I do
He’s our mighty conquer.
In him I will trust all my battles he’ll fight.
I’ve got, got the victory
I’ve got the sweet sweet victory in Jesus.
For me He died but He rose on the third day.
Thats why I have true victory everyday.

[Verse 1]
Truly I’ve been through the storm and rain.
I know every thing about heartache and pain.
But God carried me through it all without His protection I’ll surely fall.
Ive been broke without a dime to my name.
But all my bills got paid because I called on Jesus name.
You can’t tell me that God isnt real ’cause I’ve got the victory and that why im still here.

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
I’m not worried about material things I dont have.
I’m just blessed cause I sure that my savior’s there.
Because I know that my blessing is on the way
I can’t see it right now but I stand by faith.
I’ve fought many, many battles in His name.
I’ve held up the blood-stained banner and proclaimed.
That Jesus is the truth and the light.
Believe me when I say he will make it alright.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Oh yeah I got the victory yeah
I got the victory yeah yeah yeah
And if you got the victory sing along with me
Yeah I got the victory yeah I got the victory
Yeah yeah yeah
Sing it with me I’ve got the victory

Not Mine

Not –adverb
1. (used to express negation, denial, refusal, or prohibition): You must not do that. It’s not far from here.
2. U.S. Slang . (used jocularly as a postpositive interjection to indicate that a previous statement is untrue): That’s a lovely dress. Not!

Mine –pronoun
1. a form of the possessive case of I used as a predicate adjective: The yellow sweater is mine.
2. something that belongs to me: Mine is the red car.
3. Archaic . my (used before a word beginning with a vowel or a silent h, or following a noun): mine eyes; lady mine.

What is the first word we learn as children? No, and Mine. Well I have learned something in my travels of this life in the short 30 years that I have been here. I get told NO all the time, and nothing is ever mine. If you have kids you realize how quickly your stuff is abducted by them. I find I am on my electronics half as often as my children are. Now, that being said I don’t mind sharing some things. I realize that sharing makes life easier and I did tell you to share in the moderation post so don’t think I am contradicting myself here. I want you to share.

This Mine I speak of is the feeling of belonging to someone else, and the feeling that someone belongs to you. (If you have read the ridiculously long post on the side that is my long story, you know how important the idea of being mine is to me)

I don’t speak of the idea of “mine” as owner ship. I don’t want to own another person. I want to belong to them and vice versa. GOD created us to be with someone. He said it was NOT good for Man to be alone. So he created woman in his likeness to be with man. He wanted us to be with someone. This way, we couldn’t get into as much trouble as we can when we are alone. That other person keeps us in check. And we keep them in check. There is a lot less trouble you can get into when you are accountable to someone else. Now your friends can keep you accountable to a certain extent but that is only as far as you let them. When you belong to someone else, you value them even more. They are yours, and you are theirs. That value places them in a higher spot inside your mind and it will actually created a higher understanding for what they say and how they feel about your actions. If you are lucky enough to have the other person know you well, they can even stop you before you do self destructive things. This is brilliant! Now the perfect scenario for this to work is that you both have mutual respect for each other. If you don’t respect your significant other and vice versa none of this works and it is all for crap.

You have to remember also that people make mistakes. Since we make mistakes we have to remember that these mistakes can hurt people. I think we even make mistakes when we are so afraid of being alone. So we stay in places we don’t belong. Fear runs us as a people. It has caused so many bad things in our past, wars, and drama that could have been avoided if we didn’t spend so much time fearing things we don’t know. Ever stay with someone just because the idea that being all alone was so terrifying that staying seemed better than facing the unknown? Everyone does it. Being alone is hard. But remember that you have more people around you than you think. And you are stronger than you think. And braver, and smart, and wonderful. Being alone doesn’t mean you have no one. You always have GOD, and there are more people around you that care for you than you even know. I bet if you died tomorrow there would be more people sad to see you gone than you would ever even imagine.

So why am I trying to be so uplifting on a subject that seems to be something I get to hear a lot from GOD? Well first, because it does me good to see it here all typed out. Things are easier to understand for me when I spell it out for myself. It is also due to the fact that GOD tells me NO all the time, and also informs me that what I have is not mine. Last summer I struggled deeply and for along time that what I wanted wasn’t mine to have. I wanted to be with Dick. I wanted him to ask me to come there and be with him, and be a family. He would never do that. So when I said “GOD, why not? Why can’t I go forth and seek my happiness?” He said to me ” He is not yours. This is not your time. Patience my child. I promise that someday it will happen.” Yes, that is so what I got back and if you think I am crazy oh well. I am only trying to do what I am told.

So what of it now? Well, my dear sweet Carlos whom I love is currently who I am being told no about. Sigh. This is a no that is hard for me to swallow and I keep hoping that perhaps GOD will change his mind. Because while Dick was obviously not a good match since we had next to nothing in common, Carlos and I are well matched. Besides the drama that Bob and the evil W cause me on a semi weekly basis that is. His kids love me, my kids think hes super nice, he loves comic books, hes a total nerd and I love him for it. But alas. In February GOD told me, “Don’t get attached. He’s not yours you know.”

I have had this feeling for a while. When I woke up this morning I had the feeling as if someone had grabbed one of those big hourglasses and flipped it over. As if a timer had started ticking down to when my time would be up with Carlos. No matter what I do I feel like over and over he tells me that no one is mine. I have my girls. That is all.

When I prayed he would heal Bob, he said no. It wasn’t my place to ask. I am (still currently but hopefully not soon) his wife. Why wouldn’t it be my place to ask that? Well maybe because despite my title, and the paper from the beautiful state I live in, he isn’t mine either.

Now as I lie in my bed, all alone (except for the 2 year old that I will snuggle up and go to sleep with tonight) I think to myself that being alone sucks, but it is a great place for the Lord to teach me to grow. I am not sure the timeline on me and Carlos. It doesn’t feel like the countdown is soon. It just feels like it isn’t meant to be forever. It pains me to type it, and I know it will hurt him to read it later and he knows that I am sorry for that. I have to have faith that either GOD will change his mind, or that he does in fact know what he is doing (being the creator of all life and all).

With all my love and prayers for love and happiness for everyone,

Lady X

Lie in our Graves – Dave Matthews Band

When I step into the light
My arms are open wide
When I step into the light
My eyes searching wildly
Would you not like to be
Sitting on top of the world with
Your legs hanging free
Would you not like to be ok, ok, ok?

When I’m walking by the water
Splish splash me and you takin a bath
When I’m walking by the water
Come up through my toes
To my ankles
To my head
To my soul
And I’m blown away

When I’m walking by the water
Splish splash me and you takin a bath
When I’m walking by the water
Come up through my toes
To my ankles
To my head
To my soul
And I’m blown away
I can’t believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Wondering if we had
Spent our living days well
I can’t believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Dreaming of things that we
Might have been

I can’t believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Wondering if we had
Spent our living days well
I can’t believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Dreaming of things that we
Might have been

Would you not like to be
I can’t believe that you
Would not like to be
Would you not like to be
Ok, ok, ok

Wasted

Wasted –adjective
1. waste ( defs. 26–28 ) .
2.done to no avail; useless: wasted efforts.
3. physically or psychologically exhausted; debilitated: to be wasted by a long illness.

Yesterday I got totally wasted. By definition this means that I drank way too much with way too little in my stomach. One of our very good friends who I won’t bother giving a fake name just based on lazy, Mikey, was moving away from us all to go live in Chicago. That is where he is from. So we went out. Now, I am a lightweight. All less than 120lbs of me, it really doesn’t take a whole lot to turn me into a giggly wasted mess.

So we went to a bar downtown, and we all met up. And cigarettes in hand, we drank. I drank a lot. And in a short amount of time. And with very little in my stomach. Not good. By like 11:30pm I was wasted. 3 cherry vodka sours (my favorite) and then a brave chance taken on a Grey Goose and Redbull left me a little messed up. So on our way to bar number two, I actually need help walking, I make the interesting comment that I sure am breathing a lot. (Wow am I an intelligent drunk).

Then I decide I need to pee. So off to the potty we go in an Irish pub that I am not sure how I got into since I had to decend two flights of stairs and give my id to a bouncer. So we arrive in the bathroom where I lovingly pull down my pants and dump my 300 dollar cell phone in the toilet. I take it out, throw it to my sister, giggle, pee. Then I pull up my pants and lean against the wall. I don’t feel so good. I think I may throw up. Which makes me sad since I hadn’t at that point thrown up in 9 years. That is a great record for not praying to the porcelain god. I was very sad about this. And then I did it. Threw up three times. Then went and rested my head on the table and tried to drink some water. I still felt bad. You know why? Because I needed to throw up more. Yay. I throw up two more times before I just feel totally raped by my own body. Sigh. This is why the rules in moderation are so important. Booze in moderation people.

The proof of moderation is in this:
While vomitting while wicked drunk isn’t that bad. The gut rot the next day was terrible! I had no headache, no light sensitiviy, but my tummy was very angry with me. And it didn’t like much of anything. No orange juice, no water, nothing. Took lots of hours before I could even eat some toast.

I also found out that I kissed Mikey on the cheek so awkwardly long that my sister thought I passed out on his cheek. Wow time feels different when your plastered. So the moral and point of this story?

Well drinking in moderation is best. But if you are going to get totally blasted and not remember stuff the next day, then do it with friends. This way you have people that can make sure you don’t make bad decisions based on people looking sexier with hooch in your system.

So if you drink, not to sound like a killjoy, but do it like a grown up. Rather than the way I did it. Like a drunken prom date.

With all my love to all my readers,
Lady X

Last Friday Night – Katy Perry

There’s a stranger in my bed,
There’s a pounding my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar
DJ’s passed out in the yard
Barbie’s on the barbeque

There’s a hickie or a bruise
Pictures of last night
Eended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a black top blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying to connect the dots
Don’t know what to tell my boss
Think the city towed my car
Chandelier is on the floor
With my favorite party dress
Warrants out for my arrest
Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a blacked out blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled

Damn

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credits card
And got kicked out of the bars
So we hit the boulevards

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping int he dark
Then had a menage a trois
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop-op
Oh whoa oh

This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again
This Friday night

T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop
Oh-whoa-oh
This Friday night
Do it all again

Sleep

Sleep –verb (used without object)
1. to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease being awake.
2. Botany . to assume, especially at night, a state similar to the sleep of animals, marked by closing of petals, leaves, etc.
3. to be dormant, quiescent, or inactive, as faculties.

Sleep is something that I wish I didn’t like so much. The act of even just resting and entering a state of relaxed stress free happiness is wonderful. It is also very deceptive. Since my imagination is a superior thing when it comes to creating story like places, and I have been doing it for so long (started as a kid) it is an escape for me. Now I don’t imagine things much different than they are now when I escape. They are more romantical (I am pretty hopeless in this respect) and of course good always wins and evil always pays for the wrongs they have done. My kids are there of course. And they grow up to be beautiful, wonderful, well rounded individuals that aren’t spending the rest of their lives paying for my mistakes. The problem with sleep? Well I rarely feel rested, and once it is done and the day begins I find that I sometimes long to return to this dream like state where I can control things. Yet another moment of mine spent in the realm of disillusionment. I have talked before about how control is a myth, an illusion we try to set up for ourselves to make us feel more stable in this chaotic world. Sometimes when I actually sleep I will dream lucid dreams.

Knowing your dreaming is one thing. Taking over and functioning in it is another. While these lucid dreams are few and far between I realize that dreaming is an escape of sorts. Now it isn’t much of an escape if I am being chased by zombies and this does on occasion happen. But it is usually easy for me to wake myself up and then it is time for late night cookies and milk. I usually still find myself back in Zombie Land as it were, but I usually feel more equiped to handle it after cookies.

I actually prefer to remain mostly awake for my time of quiet fantasy. I am sure it is a terrible thing to want to spend time involved in ones imagination but I think that it helps keep me so young, and I certainly can understand the crazy games the kids play better. So something good is coming from it.

What is worse than having such an active imagination is that it is actually hard for me to pen it and have it come out the way I want it to. I had the hardest time writing when I was younger and the problem has persisted with me even now. The amazing stories and wonder contained inside my brain, just begging to get out and yet it is restrained by my inability to get it down here and share it. Sigh.

Tonight my brain is extra full. A wonderful story has been engraved on my brain, it has only a beginning, and some flesh in the middle but no end. I can never seem to give my stories the ending that they deserve. It could be that I am unable to write something terribly mushy in a way that won’t make people want to vomit, and I am totally incapable of writing something where the ending makes you want to hang yourself in the shower. I prefer everything to end happy. It is the fact that this is how my brain thinks, and how my heart wants things to work that it fights with my intellect that I know that it is a rare strange occurrence if something were to actually be happy. So what do I do? Well tonight I am going to attempt the journey that I started in my head this morning. I am going to try to write with every ounce of my soul and my heart. Get it all out, and then for your viewing pleasure I am even going to post it here. I find I rather like sharing my bits of imagination with all of you. It is a little piece of me, out in the world and while it probably makes little difference I like to think that somewhere there is someone that is reading this and perhaps even enjoying it. I now run off to dream land as midnight approaches.

Sleepy but hopeful (always yours),
Lady X

Who needs sleep – Barenaked Ladies

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she’s three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I’ve done
Another sleepless night’s begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

There’s so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I’ve never found
With all life has to offer,
there’s so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can’t avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Hala Hala Hala

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

[Repeat]

Time Vampires

Vampires –noun
1. a preternatural being, commonly believed to be a reanimated corpse, that is said to suck the blood of sleeping persons at night.
2. (in Eastern European folklore) a corpse, animated by an undeparted soul or demon, that periodically leaves the grave and disturbs the living, until it is exhumed and impaled or burned.
3. a person who preys ruthlessly upon others; extortionist.

I am a victim of time vampires. I wish that I could say that I didn’t invite them in (since your not supposed to) but I not only let them in, but I bare my neck and ask them seductively to suck all my available time out of me. (how is that for a naughty visual? And don’t tell me you haven’t had a vampire fantasy)

It is so easy to get sucked (forgive the pun) into doing things not on your list of things to accomplish. Another problem is that procrastination is one of my favorite time vampires. I love doing something totally opposite of what I should be doing. I am proud to say that today isn’t one of those days. But I can’t say for tomorrow.

Example of time vampires:

Relatives:

Family is a huge time vampire. Because they are your family and you want to help them. (Unless you hate them in which case good for you having one less thing to senselessly suck your time away)I love being helpful, but I promise that helping family is one of those things that will steal time away that you had for something else productive, like a nap, or getting drunk. You never know what you would have done with that time if you still had it!

Your Job:

I have to put this in here since I work from home. I am sure that a “real” job as my sister and mom put it, would steal lots of my time. Since I have no desire to have a boss vampire suck away my daily nap I will have to take other peoples words when it comes to reporting to another demanding individual that controls my paycheck. My bosses are currently loving friends of mine, and as disorganized as me. Works out well.

Your kids:

This breed of time vampire you signed up for whether on purpose or on accident. I expect my kids to take up at least 80% of my day since my youngest is 2. Now that being said this is one of the time vampires that is worth the most. They give back 10 fold in love and drama. But I say be grateful. Their drama is way smaller than that of any of your time sucking friends.

Your friends:

Some people should never get on the phone at all. This statement is true for most woman. We shouldn’t be allowed on the phone. Not with another girl and definetly not with a man! Get a woman on the phone with man that is chatty. The world stops, and the talking can go on forever. As any one of my guy friends. They stay off the phone with me because I am so awesome, they don’t want to get back off. They want to hear me chat it up all day. This is the honest truth. I am funny and interesting and while that sounds terribly arrogant (I am a little arrogant) it is true and it draws them into long conversations that are related to next to nothing at all. What is worse about getting on the phone with me? Well now I am vampire sucking away all your phone minutes too. Take that small cell bill!!

Spouses and Exes:

Boy is this one of the huge ones! So you are in a committed long term relationship, married, attached, its complicated, whatever facebook title you would like to stick on your relationship. Relationships are high maintenance and they require loads of your time. Sometimes more so then kids. And GOD forbid your significant other believes you spreading your love and attention to your kids, friends, family or work. You will get loads of crap for it. What’s worse, if they go on the tirade of you not paying enough attention before you do, you now cannot retort with it back without sounding like a copycat. So if you find yourself fighting with your “love” make sure you bring up the “you don’t spend enough time with me” first. Cause it is all down hill from there and you don’t want to be on the bottom. Worse than the person who loves you and wants your time is an Ex. These wonderful individuals want to steal your time when you wish they would just fall off the planet. These people seem to always call when you are with someone you actually like, and then they talk and talk until you just wish your phone would die or you die for that matter. (Has anyone seen my belt? The door knob is looking good)

Drama:

The worst and most destructive of all time vampires. Drama. (enter creepy foreboding music here) This is something that can come from any of the above. Not only does this suck up actual time, but ones the physical part is done, you are now left with the residual emotional vampire sucking the energy and life out of you all day. This interfears with all of the vampires above, and it even affects how you take care of you. The one person that if you don’t take care of it causes others to suffer too. (unless you are an introvert who hates people and tries to stay away from them. Kuddos)

So what can I say in closing about time vampires that is more sarcastic than above? Probably nothing. I am really sarcastic most of the time. I prefer to be that way. More fun.

To close this today, Time vampires can be good and bad. Honestly anything stressful that makes me wonder why I got out of bed is not necessarily termed bad or good. Just indifferent. I like to pretend that I am Switzerland, totally neutral. We all know that no one can be neutral. But in this case, I love certain time vampires and loathe the others. All I know is that everyday I wake up my neck is red, I crave blood, and I wonder why the sunlight is hurting my eyes. You don’t have a stake on you do you?

Suckin it up,
Lady X

Vampire Heart – HIM

You can’t escape the wrath of my heart
Beating to your funeral song (You’re so alone)
All faith is lost for hell regained
And love dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)

Let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed
And lead you along this path in the dark
Where I belong ’till I feel your warmth

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

I’ll be the thorns on every rose
You’ve been sent by hope (You’ll grow cold)
I am the nightmare waking you up
From the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)

Let me weep you this poem as Heaven’s gates close
Paint you my soul, scarred and alone
Waiting for your kiss to take me back home

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

Hold me (Like you held on to life)
Like you held on to life
(When all fears came alive and entombed me)
My vampire heart

Love me (Like you love the sun)
Like you love the sun
(Scorching the blood in my)
My vampire heart